Email me: sergiusmagnus@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Kennedy: Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in the bed?
Willow: I like it down here. It’s firm.
Kennedy: Much like a lot of what’s up here.
Willow: I am not hearing this. I’m just not.

Buffy: Giles, I need a plan. I want to kill it. No, wait… I want to hurt it. I want to hurt it bad.
Kennedy: Well, we could tie Ubie to a chair and make him listen to the theme from Angel over and over again.
Buffy: No, even we aren’t that cruel. Any other suggestions?
Dawn: Well, we could tie him to a chair and make him listen to Andrew for hours on end.
Andrew: Hey!
Buffy: I like it.
Eve: Uh, I hear he’s deaf.
Buffy: How do *you* know that? *pointed look*
Eve: Oh, um, hey, how about Britney Spears’ latest video? Does it rock or what?
Gang: …
Buffy: Are you suggesting we tie him down in a chair at a Britney Spears concert?
Molly: Well, we could bind him in Britney’s jeans. I’d like to see him chase us wearing that!
Xander: Can I be blind now?

Anya: OK… so where is Beljox’s Eye?
Giles: Here.
Eye: Hello.
Anya: My, what an amazing amount of eyes you have… Eye.
Eye: Better to see the future, my child.
Anya: Bet the zombies from “Lessons” could feast for days on you.
Eye: I can’t hit you, but I sure can glare.

Buffy: Get away from them!
Eve: Who, me?
Buffy: Yes, you! You were the First all along!
Eve: What betrayed me? The dead body? The evil gossip? The pictures of Justin Timberlake in my backpack?
Buffy: I knew somebody who had the idea of tying Ubie to a chair at a Britney concert could only be evil.
Eve: I like Debbie Gibson too. Especially her early work.
Slayers-in-training: GET OUT!!!

Giles: Eye, we need some information.
Eye: Alright, let me put on my glasses.
Anya: Uh-oh, this could take time.
Eye: Now where did I leave my six pairs of bifocals…

Eve: Kill’em all. Leave the Slayer alive.
Ubie: We need to talk. You were going to tie me down in a chair at a Britney concert?
Eve: Oops.
Ubie: Yes, oops.
Spike: She did it again.
Ubie: *SMACK*

Willow: I am facing my fear. I am facing my fear. Hear that, fear? I’m facing you.
Fear: No, what’s facing you is that pair of combat boots Kennedy wants you to wear.
Willow: GYAAAAAHHH!

Anya: *Sigh* What’s it doing now?
Giles: It’s putting its contact lenses on.
Eye: Just five more to go… hold on…

Buffy: *Testing, one, two, testing, testing*
Willow: *I can hear you just fine, Buffy*
Buffy: *Hey, this is fun! We should’ve done this the first time we did this scene!*
Willow: *Buffy, this IS the first time we are doing this scene*
Buffy: *No it’s not! We did this once before, only we stared at each other in dismay!*
Joss: *Much as I’m staring at this in dismay now.*
Willow: *I mean, this is a flashback to the scene we did before, y’know… *
Andrew: *Oh cool! Time travel! It’s like that time in Star Trek when…*
Willow: *Wait, how’d you get in here?*
Joss: *Great, one more useless character for a useless scene…*
Xander: *Hey, this is where the meeting is at?*
Joss: *I rest my case. CUT!!!*

Ubie: GROOOAAR!!! *WHACK* *Shatter*
Chloe: Oh no, no, no…
Kennedy: We gotta do something! Molly?
Molly: Yes?
Kennedy: Would you step into the light for a moment?
Molly: Like this?
Ubie: AAAAARRRRGHHHH!!!
Molly: What did I do? What happened?
Kennedy: He was blinded by your Barbie-pink coat.
Molly: *sigh* First Lucky Charms, now this…
Ubie: GROAAAARRR!!!

Lights: *CLICK*
Buffy: *Preen*
Ubie: GROAAARRR!!!
Buffy: *Preen preen*
Xander: Buffy, are you gonna preen him to death?
Buffy: Well, my ass really looks good in this spotlight. *Preen*
Xander: He doesn’t look impressed.
Buffy: I’m trying to impress the SITs, Xander. *Preen preen*
Kennedy: Well, it’s working. *Drool*
Willow: HEY!
Kennedy: So you ARE interested!!!
Willow: Buffy, attack! NOW!!!

Spike: Ooo, knife… kinky.
Buffy: …
Spike: So you’re ready for another round already, are you?
Buffy: What??? You… the First???
Spike: Yeah right… innocent act… *wink wink*
Buffy: *WHACK*
Spike: Ow! That hurt!!!
Buffy: If the next words out of your mouth are for me to inflict more pain, you’re dust.
Spike: Oh, you’re the real Buffy! Well, uh… Hey, what’re you doing?
Buffy: Taking you away before you can create more outrage. I mean, the fans are already trying to digest Cordelia and Connor, ewww!
Spike: Cordelia and Connor had sex? My God, what is the world coming to?
Buffy: To an end, apparently.

Grrr… arrrgh.