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Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Cordelia and Connor: *pant pant pant gasp*
Angel: *film film film*

Cordelia: I was hoping we could talk about Connor.
Angel: I already know.
Cordelia: Well, you’re sure handling it better than I am.
Angel: Oh, I’m not sure. It’s not as though I ever tried handling the things you handled last night. And you probably though, the harder the better. *pointed look*
Cordelia: Well, I’ve never handled balls of fire like those before.
Angel: Oh, I’m sure there were two balls of fire you handled really well.
Cordelia: What’s that supposed to mean? I feel like I missed the movie here.
Angel: Oh no you didn’t. Believe me, you didn’t.

Wesley: It’s over, Lilah.
Lilah: I’ve heard this song before. In fact, I think I’ve memorized the sheet music.
Wesley: No, actually you saw it on a Buffy episode last season.
Lilah: Right. But they got back together, didn’t they?
Wesley: No, actually he tried to rape her.
Lilah: Well, I won’t object if you try. *wink wink*
Wesley: I’m leaving now.

Connor: It’s here! The Beast is here!
Lilah: Nah. Just a power outage. Nothing’s safer than an evil law firm. Here, let me phone downstairs. *click* Uh… Gavin, try a walkie.
Gavin: This is Gavin Parks to front desk.
Front desk: This is… ARRRRGHHH!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!
Lilah: See? I told you. Business as usual.

Beast: Gavin.
Gavin: Uh… hi.
Beast: Wanna play basketball?
Gavin: Um, I’m not tall enough.
Beast: Not a problem. *throw* *SMASH*
Gavin: *croak*
Beast: Beast 1, Gavin 0.

Beast: Connor.
Connor: *WHACK*
Beast: Wanna play concrete-column ball?
Connor: What’s that?
Beast: Here, I’ll show you. *Throw* *SMASH*
Connor: Do I get a turn now?

Wesley: Go underground, change your name.
Lilah: Already planned as a backup. If you wanna see me, go to a town called Sunnydale. I’ll be going by the name of Glory.
Wesley: Bad, bad idea.

Angel: Cordelia, I don’t want you there. It’s too dangerous. I can’t risk it.
Lorne: We’ll stay here and mind the store. Make some nice healing muffins.
Angel: *brood brood*
Cordelia: Or some angsty scones. Wesley’s own recipe.

Angel: Gavin Parks!
Connor: Looks dead.
Angel: He is dead. He’s a zombie.
Connor: What’s a zombie?
Angel: Oh, it’s an undead thing.
Connor: Like you!
Angel: No! It needs brains, not blood.
Connor: Like you!
Angel: One more comment and I’m selling the home video on the street.
Connor: What home video? Uh… oh… um…
Angel: Hey, what are dads for, if not to capture memorable events for posterity?
Connor: I hate you with passion.

Fred: Oh God, oh God, what could be worse than undead zombies?
Wesley: Undead zombie lawyers.
Fred: Oh no! Lawsuits and reruns of L.A. Law for all eternity!!!
Gunn: Evil!

Fred: Angel, hurry! The zombies are coming!
Angel: *dial dial*
Gunn: Uh oh… oh no!
Angel: *dial dial* Almost there…
Fred: Aaaaargh! Aaaargh!!!
Angel: What? What are they doing? They don’t seem to be attacking!
Gunn: No, they’re doing much worse…
Fred: They’re dancing!!! AAARGHH!!!
Angel: Well, now there’s a thriller. *chortle*
Wesley: OK, out you go. *push*

Beast: So, what do you think of my new minions?
Angel: What? Oh, you mean the zombies?
Beast: Yes, the zombies.
Angel: Well, you oughta put them in the fridge for a while if you want to use them.
Beast: In the fridge?
Angel: Yeah, they already look… less than fresh.
Beast: *WHACK*
Angel: And they sure as hell can’t dance.
Beast: Which part of *WHACK* did you not understand?

Angel: Take your new boyfriend and get the hell out of here.
Cordelia: *GASP* Oh God!!!
Angel: Home video time, everyone!
Fred: Angel…
Angel: Somebody pass the angsty scones?