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Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Xander: It’s a loop. It’s a mummy hand loop. I’m stuck repairing this window over and over again.
Anya: Yeah. Remember “The Zeppo”? That’s how long you’ve been caught in a loop.
Willow: No, actually I think it’s been longer than that…
Andrew: Yeah, y’know, it’s like that Star Trek episode where the Enterprise keeps blowing up again and again…
Anya: No, it’s more like this loop where Xander keeps being useless again and again…
Xander: *Groan*

Dawn: *Slap SMACK Slap Slap*
Andrew: (Oww)
Buffy: Dawn, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were initiating a mating ritual.
Andrew: (Not waking up, I swear it. Not waking up…)

Joyce: Can I get you anything else? Some tea, perhaps?
Buffy: Eep. You’re not real. You’re the First.
Xander: Actually, she’s part of my loop.
Joyce: Can I get you anything else? Some tea, perhaps?
Buffy: I hate you.
Joyce: Can I get you anything else? Some tea, perhaps?

Principal Wood: Buffy!
Buffy: Uh, hi! So what are you doing, carrying that shovel?
Principal Wood: Oh, just finished burying a boring subplot.
Andrew: HEY! That subplot was my best friend!
Xander: That explains a lot.
Andrew: Quiet, loop guy!
Joyce: Can I get you anything else? Some tea, perhaps?
Principal Wood: Gee, and I thought I was getting paid to look weird.

Giles: Hello, Buffy.
Buffy: Giles!!!
Annabelle: Let me slip past here so you can’t hug your Watcher.
Buffy: Giles, what…
Giles: I can’t touch anything, Buffy. It’s in my contract.
Buffy: So… what are you? A ghost?
Giles: You may call me… The Untouchable. *chortle*
Annabelle: You know, they blew up the Watchers’ Council for that kind of humor.

Buffy: So the Watchers’ Council is gone?
Anya: And what about all their secrets? Everything about vengeance demons is gone up in smoke, I hope?
Giles: No, actually they’re on loan to the British Museum. *chortle*
Anya: *groan*
Buffy: Giles… that British humor just went up in smoke.

Giles: I was however able to retrieve some information. Annabelle?
Annabelle: *rummage rummage*
Buffy: What do you have on the First?
Annabelle: Well, this.
Buffy: What? That’s only part of a book! Where’s the rest?
Annabelle: Well, I tore out the First chapter and here it is.
Buffy: Oh my… This is going to be a long and painful ordeal.
Annabelle: And look, I included some pretty pictures I drew.
Willow: I say the Slayer line is at a downhill angle.

Giles: I was able to steal these before the Harbinger blew up the Council.
Kennedy: Yeah, those freaks in the black robes!
Molly: Yeah, with the hoodies and the crrrazy alphabet eyes!
Buffy: Hoodies? What kind of accent is that? Are ye angry because they stole ye Lucky Charms?
Molly: *WHACK*
Willow: On second thought, I think the Slayer line is just fine.

Willow: So Annabelle can sleep here, and…
Kennedy: Give me the sheets.
Willow: Why?
Kennedy: So I can sleep in your bed and provide much-needed sexual tension.
Willow: Um… I thought Spike was getting paid to do that.
Spike: Gurgle!!! Blurb!!!
Kennedy: I rest my case.

Giles: So you say you first met the First in a Christmas tree lot? Sounds rather Charlie Brown-ish.
Buffy: Giles, we’re looking for the First, not the Great Pumpkin.
Giles: Same difference. Both are evil.
Buffy: As Dracula once said, you are strange and off-putting. WHOA!!! *drop* *THUD*
Giles: Oh good, you found it.
Buffy: Yeah, and I think…
Creature: *crack*
Buffy: Crack?
Creature: *crack*
Buffy: Uh-oh, Giles, I think we have trouble…
Giles: What do you see?
Buffy: It’s all red!!! And full of white hair… oh God, Giles, it’s huge!!!
Giles: Buffy, maybe you should…
Buffy: *WHACK*
Creature: *Thud*
Buffy: There. Got it. Evil red creature!
Giles: Um, Buffy… that’s Santa Claus.
Buffy: Well, what was he doing sneaking in a cave on a Christmas tree lot? He’s evil, I tell you!
Giles: And you were saying I’m strange?

Ubervamp: Hi. Looking for me?
Buffy: You’re not the Great Pumpkin!
Ubervamp: No, and I’m not Santa Claus either. But I still have a present for you.
Buffy: For me? Yay!!!
Ubervamp: *WHACK*
Buffy: HEY, that’s my line!
Ubervamp: Oh really? Try to say it without your teeth. *WHACK*
Buffy: *Lunge* *WHACK* *STAKE*
Ubervamp: Not bad.
Buffy: Fank you. Comf wif Flayer power.

Dawn: Alright, let’s see what we have for breakfast… We have oatmeal, eggs and bacon…
Kennedy: Ooo, I’ll go with that!
Annabelle: Not me. I’m veggie.
Molly: Me neither. Do you have some cereal?
Dawn: Sure we do. We have…
Molly: Don’t say it!
Dawn: … Lucky Charms. *chortle*
Buffy: Hello, we’re back.
Molly: Oh, goodie. Can you spank your sister?
Buffy: In a few minuffs. I never fpank wifouf my feefh.
Kennedy: I take it you left them in the baddie’s backside?
Buffy: I wiff. Fank God for Flayer healing power. I’m growing new feefh.

Fpike: *gurgle* *blurb*
Druvilla: Hey, wait a minute… Buffy lost her teeth, not us!
Otts: Oops, sorry. Please carry on.
Spike: *gurgle* *blurb*

Buffy: I just love those evil, evil movies.
Principal Wood: As opposed to Rob Schneider’s oeuvre.
Buffy: Oeuvre?
Principal Wood: Yes, oeuvre. I get paid a bonus for every time I fit a Scrabble word into the show.
Buffy: That’s not fair!
Principal Wood: It’s part of my contract. You could say it’s my… oeuvre.
Buffy: *WHACK* Now try to get that mysterious stare with a black eye.
Kennedy: I would feel a lot better if we had weapons.
Buffy: Sure. Help yourselves. And Molly, we have an extra for you.
Molly: An extra, for me? Why thank ye! Uh… some crucifixes?
Buffy: Yeah. Consider them… lucky charms. *giggle*
Molly: *WHACK*
Willow: Yup, the Slayer line is definitely alive and kicking.
Molly: Ye can say that again.

Ubervamp: Hi. Looking for me?
Buffy: Oh, you again. Look, new teeth!
Ubervamp: *WHACK* Not anymore.
Buffy: Dratf. Forgive me while I run into thif factory here.

Buffy: *limp limp limp*
Ubervamp: *waltz waltz BREAK waltz waltz*
Buffy: *limp limp limp*
Ubervamp: *waltz waltz BREAK*
Buffy: What on Earth are you doing?
Ubervamp: Break-dancing. *chortle*

Giles: How on Earth will we find Buffy in all this rubble?
Xander: It’s easy. Follow the teeth.
Buffy: I heard that!

Buffy: The Hellmouth is about to swallow me. It’ll choke on me.
Willow: What’re you planning to do, roll yourself in haggis?
Anya: Hmm, there’s an idea!
Buffy: Quiet! Now, as I was saying… anybody who wants to leave, do it now, because we just became an army.
Kennedy: Does it mean I can get Willow to wear combat boots? *wink wink*
Willow: Um, ah, go on, Buffy.
Buffy: Thank you. They want an apocalypse, we’ll give them one.
Dawn: Oh, with anchovies on top, right!?
Buffy: NO, Dawn, no anchovies! That’s evil!
Dawn: But evil is what we want…
Buffy: QUIET!!! Now, as I was saying, we just became an army…
Kennedy: With combat boots. *wink nudge*
Willow: NO, no combat boots!
Buffy: Any questions?
Joyce: Can I get you anything else? Some tea, perhaps?
Xander: Are we doomed yet?