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Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Joyce: Buffy, you’re participating in an episode called “The Pack”? That doesn’t sound very safe!
Buffy: Uh… um… well, it’s educational! You see, in this episode we find a pack of cigarettes at school, and, ah, it’s to show that, uh, smoking isn’t cool!
Joyce: Oh well, that makes it all better. Just remember what Nancy Reagan said: just say no!
Joss: Hyenas, attack.

Willow: We went to see the zebras mating!
Buffy: …
Willow: Well, what did you see?
Buffy: I went to see a boa constrictor suffocate a monkey to death.
Xander: Interesting. Is that because of the Slayer thing? Violence all you ever think about?
Buffy: Well hey, we’re at the zoo. Full of fierce and powerful animals.
Lance: Hi. I’m Lance. I’m shy and bookish.
Buffy: I retract my last statement.

Zookeeper: Girls, you can’t go in there! The hyenas will tear you to pieces. And besides, they’re the ticket to my subplot.
Buffy: Where do they get these actors anyway?
Zookeeper: I’m hoping of finding a real job afterwards. That’s why I need the airtime.
Buffy: I hear the Doublemeat Palace is hiring.
Zookeeper: Hyenas, attack.

Xander: *Strut swagger swagger*
Willow: *swoon*
Buffy: Hey Xander. Why are you walking like a duck?
Xander: It’s my manly desert prowl. Please note my confident demeanor.
Willow: NOTED, NOTED!!!
Xander: Buffy, mind if I rudely take a bite of your food?
Buffy: Go right ahead. I’ll hit you later.
Xander: Mmm, tasty! What is it anyway?
Buffy: Boa-suffocated monkey.
Xander: *cough* *gag*
Buffy: Well, he sure went for that, didn’t he? Um… Will?
Willow: *swoon*

Xander: Willow, I really wanted to tell you…
Willow: Are you gonna comment on my clothes? Because if you do I’m gonna cry.
Xander: Actually, I wanted to tell you… remember that Barbie I stole in sixth grade?
Willow: Um… yeah?
Xander: Well, it was really tasty. *BURP*
Willow: I hate you beyond words.

Giles: Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons.
Buffy: Hmmm, then all it would take is a nice shot of oestrogen. *Idea idea* Giles, you have a needle?
Giles: Oh, you can’t be serious.

Buffy: Xaaaaaannder!
Xander: Get away! Get away from me with that needle!!! GET AWAY I told you!!!
Buffy: Oh, come on, just a little shot and then I’ll do your hair.

Principal Flutie: I’ll give you so much detention your grandchildren will still be in school.
Hyena kids: *Salt salt, pepper pepper*
Principal Flutie: Stop that! I’m trying to make the few minutes of air time I’ve got left count for something!
Hyena kid: *Sauce, sauce* Oh, you’re counting for something alright.
Principal Flutie: OK, that’s it, you kids are out! I’m starting on your expulsion papers right now!
Hyena kid: *light* *burn*
Principal Flutie: Um… Do you smell something burning?
Hyena kid: That would be your acting career.

Willow: God, I can’t believe Xander actually ATE my Barbie!
Buffy: Well, Giles did say that testosterone turns men into morons.
Willow: Really? Wow, I guess that George W. Bush must really be manly!
George W. Bush: I can’t believe this. We’re in 1997, for God’s sake! I’m not even president yet!
Willow: Oops, sorry. Just anticipating.

Buffy: It’s safe to say that in his animal state, his idea of wooing doesn’t involve a Yanni CD and a bottle of Chianti.
Xander: Actually, I think having Yanni for a romantic dinner is pretty cool.
Buffy: Really?
Xander: Of course. Roasted Yanni in wine sauce, mmmm…
Buffy: Alright, time for that oestrogen shot.
Xander: NO!!! Get away! Get away, I tell you!!!

Family: Um… who are you guys?
Hyena kids: Grrrroowwwwl… Yip yip yip! *boink boink boink*
Family: AAAAAA!!!
Buffy: *WHACK*
Hyena kids: Yip yip yip!!! *Run*
Father: Thank you. What were they doing, anyway?
Buffy: Bonding with the car. You may want to wash your hood.
Hyenas: OK, we’re hiring a lawyer. This is defamation.

Giles: Are you ready?
Zookeeper: Sure am. By the way, we are now in my subplot.
Giles: Ah yes, the makeup. Very realistic.
Zookeeper: I knew you’d approve. Is the mascara OK? I mean, do you think the hyenas will notice it’s a drugstore brand?
Giles: Maybe a little more blush on the left cheek. That’ll be sure to make the hyenas laugh.
Hyenas: Har har. Can we get down to the devouring part now?

Zookeeper: *WHACK*
Buffy: *WHACK*
Zookeeper: *fall tumble*
Hyenas: Hi.
Zookeeper: Uh oh. Er, this funny thing just happened to me. You hyenas like to laugh, right?
Hyenas: We’re not laughing. Subplot’s over. And so are you.