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Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Buffy: Spike! Wake up!!!
Spike: *SNORE* Zzzzzzz…
Buffy: Wake up, damn you!
Xander: Uh, Buff… he left a note.
Buffy: What? What does it say?
Xander: It says that since the episode is called “Sleeper”, he’s going to sleep through it.
Spike: *SKNXL* *SNORE* Zzzzzzz…
Buffy: What??? He can’t!!! He’s the evil guy for this episode!
Xander: Well, don’t look at me, I didn’t tuck him in bed!
Buffy: I sure hope you didn’t!
Spike Twin: Uh, hello… actually, I’m the evil guy…
Buffy and Xander: SHUT UP!!!
Spike: *SNORE* Zzzzzzzz…

Willow: What the…
Dawn: *Sob*
Willow: Dawn!!! Oh my God, Dawn, what happened???
Dawn: It’s OK, I’m alright.
Willow: You’re cut! Let me get bandages!!!
Dawn: Are you doing this so I’ll forgive you for almost turning me back into a ball of energy last season?
Willow: Of course I’m not! You want some ointment for that cut? A blanket? A vodka martini?
Dawn: I could get used to this.

Buffy: He’s different. And if it’s all an act, then the Oscar goes to…
Spike (coming in): “I’d like to thank my mother, my father, Drusilla for making me into a vampire, and of course all my fans out there…”
Buffy: SPIKE! What are you doing?
Spike: Oh, um, just rehearsing in case I win.
Buffy: Oh, you won alright. *WHACK*

Robson: Oh my God… Nora? NORA!!!
Robed Figure: Hehehe… Banzai!!! *WHACK*
Robson: *WHACK* Hey, you’re no ninja! You’re a monk!!!
Robed Figure: What? Nin’ja know that monks can fight? *heehee*
Robson: *groan* So you dispatched my Slayer-in-waiting with bad puns? *WHACK*
Robed Figure: Oh, come on… you just can’t igNORA good joke… *chortle*
Robson: OK. Time for me to insert another *WHACK*
Robed Figure: You British. No sense of humor. *WHACK*
Robson: It’s spelled humour, and we do have one. After all, we did give the Spice Girls to the world. *WHACK*
Other Robed Figure: Yes, and just for that you deserve this… *STAB*
Robson: *GAK*

Buffy: Dawn? DAWN!!!
Willow: It’s OK, she’s sleeping… I put her in bed with a foot cushion and extra pillows.
Dawn (muffled): And a vodka martini.
Buffy: What happened? The house is a wreck! Have you been taking your little black pills again???
Willow: Why do I always get blamed for these things?
Buffy: Because… um… you like violently redecorating places and depriving people of their epiderm?
Willow: HEY, I haven’t taken skin for a long time! So quit it, you’re…
Buffy: Getting under your skin? *chortle*
Dawn (muffled): I am not hearing this conversation.
Willow: Hecate, hear my plea…
Hecate: I TOLD you, I’m not speaking to you.
Willow: *Sigh*
Buffy: Don’t worry, Will. It’s OK. Your alibi is…
Willow: Don’t you dare!
Buffy: … skin-tight.
Willow: Alright, let’s do this the old-fashioned way. *WHACK*

Anya: *Search search*
Spike: *SNORE*
Anya: *Rummage rummage*
Spike: *SNORE* Zzzzzz…
Anya: *Rummage search*
Mouse trap: *CLAP*
Anya: GYAAAAAHHH!!!

Vampire girl: Hey, beautiful.
Spike: *SNORE* Zzzzzz…
Vampire: Uh, Spike? Aren’t we supposed to fight?
Spike: *RXLTZ* Zzzzzz…
Vampire: Oooookay…
Aimée Mann: Hey, would you tell that guy to stop that racket? We’re trying to perform down here!

Spike: I think… I killed all those people! But how come I don’t remember?
Buffy: See what you get for sleeping through episodes?
Vampires: Speaking of sleep, mind if we wake up now?
Buffy: No, you guys can stay asleep.
Spike: But I’m wide awake now! Let’s have a party!!!
Morphy Spike: Yes, and let me provide the music. How about some Led Zeppelin?
Led Zeppelin: *t’nod netsil… ereht era on lanimilbus segassem. tsenoH*
Buffy: Um… wait… I think that song is playing backwards…
Led Zeppelin: *Kill… Spike, kill…*
Spike: GROAAARRR!!!
Buffy: *WHACK*
Robert Plant: OK, we’re suing.

Spike: Buffy, kill me.
Buffy: Can’t. The Spike fans out there won’t have it.
Spike: But I can’t cry this soul out of me!
Buffy: Let me help.
Spike: Really?
Buffy: Yes. You may not be able to cry it out, but I can kick the soul out with my sole.
Morphy Spike: You’re the sole one to blame for this, mate.

Giles: Robson! ROBSON! Can you hear me?
Robson: Giles… you must…
Giles: What! What must I do!
Robson: It’s started… horrible…
Giles: It can’t be that bad!
Robson: They think… the British… have no sense… of humour.
Giles: Good lord! *shiver* We must destroy them.
Robed Figure: *tap tap* Um, excuse me… would you mind turning your head ever so slightly so I can get a clear strike?