Email me: sergiusmagnus@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Buffy: Hello and welcome to your weekly bad puns show.
Willow: Gee, you used that line last week! When are you gonna come up with something new?
Buffy: Actually, that’s what I was coming to. In order to save on expensive accessories…
Willow: And environmental concerns!
Buffy: And environmental concerns, we’ve decided to recycle props from previous shows.
Xander: Does that mean I get to use Faith again?
Faith: NO, it doesn’t!
WB lawyer: Ahem… Miss Summers?
Buffy: Uh… yeah?
WB lawyer: I’m afraid you can’t use the props. All props through Season 5 are our property.
Buffy: All props are your property? Did you just say that to get a bad word pun in?
WB lawyer: I can’t. That’s a parody feature. We at WB take lawsuits very seriously.
Buffy: So, um… what do you plan to do with all these props?
WB lawyer: Why, recycle them on Angel, of course!
Cordelia: Yeah, I want Mr. Pointy.
Angel: And I want Faith.
Faith: Boy, am I ever safe in this jail.
Buffy: Oh, phooey.

Xander: Is there anything more emphatic than hate?
Buffy: C’mon. He’s been out of the basement for an hour and already he’s not talking to invisible people anymore.
Spike: Bullocks.
Buffy: Well, except that episode in the car... actually, who were you talking to?
Spike: Xander’s invisible love life.
Xander: Nope. Nothing more emphatic than hate.

Dawn: So, about Spike. Do you love him?
Buffy: No… I feel for him.
Dawn: I know you do. With your hands. *snicker*
Buffy: You know what else I do with my hands? *WHACK*

Judge: Alright, next up is… Dawn Summers.
Dawn: (Hehehe, I’ll show them…)
Judge: Oh, Dawn, you can’t use that uniform.
Dawn: Why?
Judge: It’s a Season 1 prop. Besides, it’s ugly.
Dawn: Awww, there goes my chance to seduce RJ!
Judge: Well, I prefer to tell you now before you launch in an embarrassing and humiliating cheer that would amuse us to death.
Dawn: *sigh*

Xander: Hey, should I order pizza? Don’t teens in a snit love pizza?
Dawn: It is NOT a snit!
Xander: Aw, c’mon, food is always good to take your mind off your troubles.
Dawn: Is not!
Xander: Now let’s see… what could we order that would take your mind off that RJ maleness? How about a big, juicy…
Dawn: Don’t say it!
Xander: … sausage.
Dawn: I’m going to cut you to ribbons with these scissors.

Dawn: You can’t do this to RJ! He’s worked too hard for this!
Quarterback: Well, that’s not for you to decide, is it? And anyway, if we ever need someone to whine the other team to death, we’ll call you.
Dawn: *PUSH*
Quarterback: *CRASH*

Buffy: So do you have plans, or are you just going to go down to the docks and wait for the fleet to come in?
Dawn: Would they have letter jackets?
Buffy: OK, that’s it. It’s the chastity belt for you, missy. *LOCK*

Buffy: *kiss*
RJ: Whoa, you’re like a teacher!
Buffy: You have a problem with that?
RJ: Um… no.
Buffy: Good. And if you dare say I have Mom hair, I’ll rip your tongue out.
RJ: Well, actually… you don’t. At least, not on your head… *chuckle*
Buffy: *RIP*
RJ: Dzeezh, no thenthe of humor!

Willow: Hecate, hear my plea. A simple change…
Meanwhile…
RJ: So if we can just win this next game, and… *GASP*
Other quarterback: Uh, RJ? What’s wrong?
RJ: I think I’m ovulating.

Buffy’s car: *Screech!*
Buffy: *SLAM*
Policeman: Uh, miss, I’m sorry, you can’t use this car.
Buffy: Huh? Why? I swear I got my driver’s license since the band candy episode.
Policeman: Yeah, and I bet you got it in a box of candy.
Buffy: Speaking of boxing… *WHACK*
Marti: He’s right, Buffy. You have to lose the car.
Buffy: Why?
Marti: It’s a Season 3 prop.
Buffy: Damn!

Willow: Aw man, now I have to start over! Hecate hates that!
Xander: Will, you were trying to turn him into a girl! That’s so mean! And so unfair!
Willow: *Ahem* Keep at it and I’ll turn you into a girl.
Xander: *Gulp* Y’know, it’s OK. I already explored my feminine side – I run like a girl, remember?
Willow: On the other hand, it might make you into a less useless character.
Xander: Oh well, in that case… hey, can I be played by Mila Kunis? ‘cause then I’d probably fall in love with myself.
Spike: And they say I’m insane?

Principal Wood: *Flip, flip, flip, write, write*
Buffy: *Aim*
Spike: *TACKLE*
Buffy: Oof!
Principal Wood: *Flip, flip, flip, write, write*
Spike: *Run*
Buffy: *Run, tackle*
Willow: *Spell, spell*
Dawn: *Sob*
Joss: Anyone know if the Gentlemen had anything to do with directing this episode?
Marti: Actually, we can’t use them. They’re a Season 4 prop.

Buffy: Spike, why on earth did you stop me?
Spike: Can’t use the bazooka, Buffy… it’s a…
Buffy: Season 2 prop, yeah, I get it. I’m going to see the writer right now, and he’s gonna meet Mr. Pointy.
Willow: Um, Buffy…
Buffy: Drats, another Season 2 prop!!!

Willow: So Anya… you didn’t tell us, what you can’t believe you almost…
Anya: Oh, I wrote a poem. An epic poem…
Willow: Well, lucky he didn’t see it. He would’ve Olaf-ed at you. *giggle*
Anya: Alright, that’s it, you’re not getting your share of the money!
Police: Good. We have a confession.
Anya: Awwww!

Grrrr… arrrgh.