Xander: So, why are we even bothering to hide in coffins in the middle of the night for again?
Buffy: Looks like the Slayerettes are safe for another week, so we have to come up with our own kill to start the show. *sigh*
Dawn: *Thump Thump Thump* Get me out, get me out, GET ME OUT!!!
Buffy: Wow, thats a new variation on an old theme.
Xander: Looks like Dawn had a relapse.
Buffy: Happens. Thats why I keep the duct tape handy.
Dawn: *THUMP* *THUMP*
Buffy: Oh, alright, alright
Dawn: This thing has a friggin child lock on it!!!
Buffy: Oh, now youre exaggerating.
Xander: Actually, Buff
that is a child lock.
Buffy: Really? Oh! Um, I, ah, gee, I wonder who put it there
*grin*
Dawn: Gee, shes so old! Why would anyone want to vamp such an old woman?
Buffy: Maybe the vampire wanted a mother figure.
Xander: Yeah, because even the undead can have Freudian issues.
Vampire woman: God, how am I supposed to be peaceful with this kind of talk? Im dead and I have to put up with this?
Buffy: *STAB* *POOF* Now you dont.
Xander: You see, controlling your magic is like hammering a nail.
Willow: Or nailing Rack to the ceiling.
Xander: Right. Uh, no, wrong! Pay attention!
Willow: Sorry.
Xander: So I was saying, controlling your magic is like hammering a nail. You use power to get the nail in two strokes, but you risk hitting your thumb.
Willow: Which makes you so angry you bewitch that hammer into cracking your friends skulls open like coconuts.
Xander: But I didnt even finish my analogy
Willow: Doesnt matter. You look so cute when youre shaking.
Xander: And can I say, ugh, coconuts?
Willow: Yeah
Reminds me when I peeled Warren like a banana
*sigh*
Xander: Youre as nutty as a fruitcake.
Buffy: Cassie, why wont you graduate from high school?
Cassie: Because Im gonna die next Friday.
Buffy: Why? Why are you gonna die?
Cassie: I have to. The Slayerettes are on strike, and you still havent met your quota for this episode.
Buffy: Well, so what? What does it matter?
Cassie: Theyre talking about making Dawn the Slayer if you dont meet your quota.
Buffy: Oh, I see. Listen, is there anyway I can help?
Cassie: Nope. I just know Im gonna die.
Buffy: No, I meant, anyway I can help you die?
Buffy: I have a job for you.
Dawn: Cant. Im busy.
Buffy: With what?
Dawn: Im working on a plan to save Cassie.
Buffy: OH NO you dont!!!
Dawn: Awwww, but I wanna be the Slayer! Ive already got my music theme and a new name for the show!
Buffy: What? Dawn and Out in the dale?
Dawn: Too bad I cant use the *whack* yet.
Buffy: Lets go straight to the point. We were wondering if your drinking made you a rotten dad.
Mr. Newton: Oh, the nerve! Im a good father! Its just that Cassie is too ashamed of us to come upstairs!
Xander: Wait a minute
that sounds familiar
Buffy: Cassie lives in the BASEMENT?
Mr. Newton: Yeah, we rent it to her.
Xander: *gulp*
Buffy: And what about your ex?
Mr. Newton: Ah, my lovely wife
what would I have done without her all these years? Well, for one thing, Id be drinking a lot less!
Xander: Whoa
this is getting scary...
Buffy: Wait a minute! I know that hair
*PULL* Mr. Harris???
Xander: Oh no!!!
Spike: Dont go! Please stay and help me keep quiet!
Buffy: Actually, the duct tape can do that just fine.
Spike: Mmmmpphhh!
Buffy: Guys, do you know how lame this is? A bunch of bored teenage boys trying to summon a lame demon?
Peter: Like that lame demon?
Buffy: Uh oh. (think fast, Buffy!) Um, hi. Im Buffy. *grin*
Demon: Hi. Im Skips evil brother. Yknow, he keeps doing cameos with the L.A. Gang?
Buffy: Oh, right. So whats your name?
Demon: Lore.
Buffy: Thats Datas evil brother, you mook! How déjà can you vu?
Demon: Hey, speaking of déjà vu, I hear they just hired a British librarian for the new Slayer, is that right? Dawn, I think her name is
Buffy: *WHACK*
Peter: Hey, he bit me! The demon bit me!
Buffy: Consider it foreplay.
Buffy: Poor Cassie. I guess her heart just wasnt in it. *giggle*
Cassie (in coffin): I heard that.
Dawn: Uh oh.
Cassie: You really dont want me to be peaceful, do ya?
Buffy: *Stab* *POOF*