Buffy placed her hand on the doorknob, then stopped, and closed her eyes for a moment. She had just returned from her private meeting with Giles and Sasha. They were already inside. Everyone was…the Scoobies, the L.A. gang, Nate, Eve, Dawn…and Spike. He had been the reason for their earlier meeting, and he was the reason for the larger meeting that was about to take place. She sighed and opened the door. He was waiting for her. There, just like he always was for her. How did he do that? How did he always know instinctively what she needed? It was like they already shared a soul.
Rated: PG-13 for Sexual Content and Language
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is copyright © Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and Fox. In fact they own everything. The New Beginning Storytellers are just playing with their toys when they are not looking. We take good care of them, honest!
Without conscious thought, she flew into his waiting arms. She didn’t have to think there. That’s what she needed…a moment, just a moment not to think, just to feel.
“What is it, luv? What’s wrong?”
His voice brought her back to the present, back to the task at hand. She sighed again before pulling away to look into his eyes.
“Spike, we need to talk.”
“Well, those words never bode well for a bloke, do they?”
That mischievous grin that so maddened her and thrilled her at the same time appeared on his lips. She suddenly had an overwhelming desire to kiss those lips, but she shook off the impulse. She had to get through this!
“Come on. Come with me. We need to be alone,” she told him as she took his hand and started to lead him upstairs.
“Oh, up for a little change of location, are we? Are you tired of the basement already?” Spike quipped. But seeing the glance Buffy shot him over her shoulder, the smile died on his lips. Whatever she had to say, it was serious. At least, Buffy thought so. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as she led him to her room and closed the door. Had she changed her mind about the ceremony? Had she changed her mind about him?
*
Angel watched as Buffy led Spike to her room. They hadn’t seen him. It seemed that the two of them only had eyes for each other these days. The thought stung. He couldn’t just stand there and watch the two of them. He had to get out.
He turned and rushed through the Summers’ kitchen, brushing past Cordelia in his desperate need to leave the scene he had just witnessed behind him. Outside, he bent over at the waist as if he had just run a long distance and were winded, or as if he had just been punched in the gut. The posture wasn’t lost on Angel. Laughing, he straightened up and looked at the starlit sky above him.
“Well,” he said into the night, “I don’t breathe, so I guess we know which one of those two options apply, don’t we?”
“Angel?”
Spinning around, Angel saw that Cordelia had followed him. He was more than a little embarrassed to be caught talking to himself…to be caught in this position.
“Angel, who are you talking to out here? What’s going on?” Cordelia asked.
“It’s nothing, Cordy. It’s just…”
She waited patiently for Angel to finish. She knew what he was going to say but was determined not to make it any easier for him.
“It’s just... Buffy and Spike. I mean, I know we’ve been a little out of touch with what’s been going on around here, but… How in the world did that ever happen?”
Cordelia nodded sadly at Angel’s words. “Buffy. It always comes back to Buffy with you, doesn’t it? I really thought you might have gotten past that…past her,” she said.
Angel looked at her questioningly. “I don’t know what you mean, Cordy. You know better than anybody what Buffy meant to me.”
“Yes, Angel. You’re right. I do know what Buffy meant to you. But you just said it yourself… It’s what she meant to you then that you’re clinging to, not what she means to you now.”
Angel started to protest. He opened his mouth to deny what Cordelia had just said, but something he couldn’t explain stopped him. Instead, he just listened.
“Angel, I’m not sure what happened between Buffy and Spike either. And, you know what? I really don’t care. What I do care about is you trying to hold onto the past. Honestly, is what you’re feeling now love for Buffy, or is it just some longing for what was over long ago?” Cordelia demanded, fixing her eyes on him.
He couldn’t meet her gaze. Her words had shocked him. He didn’t know what to think, and he couldn’t think with her eyes locked into his own. Angel looked away quickly, and then stared down at the ground in front of him.
Cordelia knew he wouldn’t answer her. She knew he didn’t have any answers to give at the moment. Feeling her breath leave her body in an exasperated rush, she turned on her heel and started to walk away from him.
“That’s fine, Angel,” she said as she left, “You figure it out and let me know.”
Angel watched Cordelia escape from him and found himself desperately wanting to call out to her, to tell her not to leave him. But that was not something he could do. Not now. Not when everything was still so confused.
He stared once again at the stars above him and spoke aloud. “All I want to know is what the heck happened? What could Buffy possibly see in Spike? Can anybody tell me that?”
“I can,” replied a small voice from the shadows.
*
As the door clicked shut, Buffy just stood there for a moment with her back to him. Spike had the growing feeling that whatever she was about to say, he wasn’t going to like it.
“Come on now, Slayer. The suspense is killing me. Oh, wait a bit…already dead.”
Buffy turned to face him then, wincing slightly at his sarcastic tone. He was right though, she couldn’t put this off any longer.
“Spike. I…uh…I just had a meeting with Sasha. She called Giles and me over to her place this afternoon.”
He just looked at her, waiting for her to continue. What could Sasha have possibly said to make Buffy act this way?
“She…” Buffy took a deep breath, wishing Spike weren’t looking at her that way. “She thinks it’s time to tell everyone about us, about the ceremony. She wants us to tell them tonight. Now, actually.”
So, this was what was bothering her. Spike felt the uneasiness in his stomach turn to lead.
“We’re back to this then, are we?” Spike asked coldly.
Buffy looked up at him, confusion in her eyes. “Spike, what do you mean?”
“We’re back to the sneaking around bit again, is that it? I’m good enough to save your neck whenever you need it, good enough to have a romp in the sack with, but not good enough to tell your friends about.”
Buffy was stunned. He had completely taken the news the wrong way. Looking back, she could see how he had gotten the wrong idea, but she couldn’t stand thinking that she had hurt him like this.
“No! Spike that isn’t what I meant at all,” she said as she closed the distance between them and took his hands in hers.
“Well, what is it then, Buffy. I’m tired of all this. Just exactly what is your excuse this week? I thought we were over this. I thought… I thought I was the one you wanted.”
“Spike,” she reached out and touched his cheek, bringing his eyes in contact with hers. “Listen to me. I have absolutely no doubts about you, about us. I want nothing more than to be yours forever.”
He looked into her eyes, seeing the truth and the love for him shining in their depths. He reached up and ran his fingers over the hand that cupped his face before pulling her to him and holding her in his arms.
“Oh, luv, don’t ever do that to me again! The thought of losing you rips my insides out. Wait. So what is the problem with telling the gang about us, then?”
Buffy sighed. “I’m just worried about how some of them are going to take the news, that’s all. Can you imagine Xander’s reaction? And Angel’s?”
Spike stared through Buffy, a wicked gleam in his eyes and an evil grin curling his lips.
“Spike! This is serious!” Buffy reprimanded.
“Oh. Right, luv. I just got lost in the moment there,” he told her sheepishly.
Buffy couldn’t help but smile. He was never going to change…not completely. And that was fine with her. She loved him just as he was.
Spike ran his fingers through her hair, gazed upon her face. She truly was his now. “Buffy, we’ll tell them together. Whatever their reactions are, we’ll face them together. I’m here for you, now and always. Don’t you ever forget that; don’t you ever doubt it.”
Buffy felt herself melting against him. She believed him. She believed that she could face anything with him by her side. “Well then, I guess we should get downstairs and announce an engagement,” she said smiling up into his eyes.
“We will…in just a bit. Right now, you and I have a little unfinished business to attend to.”
Buffy felt his lips descend on hers, and she had absolutely no complaints. The gang would still be there in an hour, right?
*
“Dawn? What are you doing out here?” Angel was surprised to see Buffy’s little sister step out of the shadows beside the house. “You know better than to hang around outside at night!”
“Oh, I know. It’s just been so busy around here lately. You know, everyone running in and out at all hours. It just feels good to come out here every once in awhile so I can hear myself think and stuff.”
Angel nodded, and the two looked at each other as uncomfortable silence settled between them. Angel didn’t really know Dawn. Of course, he remembered her from when he had lived in Sunnydale, from when he and Buffy… He pushed that thought from his mind and concentrated again on the girl in front of him. She was older now, but she was obviously still a kid. And she had been such a spoiled child when he knew her.
Correction, he thought to himself, I never did know her. She wasn’t really there for me to remember. Willow told me those memories were just planted in all of our heads.
The idea made him even more uncomfortable in her presence, and the silence was becoming painful.
“So, you’re flippin’ out about Buffy and Spike, huh?” Dawn broke the silence in probably the only way possible to make this situation even more awkward for him.
“No, no, of course not,” he lied.
“Give me a break, Angel! Why do you guys think just because I’m a teenager that I can’t hear? Dawn asked. “Or understand,” she added.
“Dawn, I don’t think that exactly. It’s just that it’s complicated. You couldn’t possibly understand,” he told her.
“You can’t figure out how Buffy could possibly have chosen Spike, the vampire who not only tried like a bazillion times to kill her, but also the guy who was always second fiddle to you in everything, over you, right?”
“Or maybe you can,” he conceded.
“Angel, you haven’t been here to see the changes the way I have. Spike is not the same guy you knew. Well, he is, and he isn’t. I think he’ll always have a touch of the bad boy about him. But he truly fell in love with Buffy, and his love for her changed him, softened him…brought out his humanity. Buffy slowly came to realize that and even more slowly came to realize that she loved him in return.”
This was not exactly what he had wanted to hear. He just couldn’t accept what she was saying.
“But, Spike doesn’t have a soul. How could he change without a soul?” Angel asked her.
“Spike isn’t you, Angel,” she said quietly.
He looked as though she had punched him.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you, but we all know that Spike has always had a great capacity to love even without a soul, while you without a soul… Well, you’re just a heartless, sadistic…”
“Bastard,” he finished for her.
“Well, that wasn’t exactly the word I was going to choose, but it works,” Dawn said and smiled at him.
He smiled sadly back at her. Everything she was saying so far made sense.
“Spike started out all wrong, you know. His love started out a little…obsessive. He was quite the stalker-boy for a while. He tended to…umm…lurk,” Dawn grinned at the memory.
“Oh, I feel so much better about all this now,” Angel mumbled sarcastically under his breath, avoiding Dawn’s eyes.
“No, Angel. All that changed. I think it started when Spike had the Buffy-bot built.”
Angel’s head snapped up. “The Buffy-bot. Willow told me that she took Buffy’s place after… Well, I thought you guys had her built for that.”
“Uh…no. Spike kinda had her built as a… Ummm… You know, to…”
“Ok, Dawn. I think I get the idea,” Angel said, cutting her off.
“Well. Anyway, Spike was pleased with his new…umm…toy for a little while.”
Angel winced.
“But by the time Buffy came back, he couldn’t even stand to look at Buffy-bot. He didn’t want a pale imitation of Buffy. He wasn’t just obsessed with having her body. He truly loved her, body, mind and soul,” Dawn told him. “Did you know that Glory kidnapped Spike and tortured him to find out who the key was?”
Angel stared at her for a moment, stunned, and then shook his head.
“She tortured him for like hours. She almost killed him. But Spike wouldn’t tell her anything. He did that to protect Buffy…and me. You see, his love for Buffy not only changed how he felt about her. He has changed in other ways too. He helps the Scoobies all on his own. And I don’t know how many times he protected me and…mom,” her voice cracked a little at the mention of her mother. “You see, he came to love us too. He came to truly care about others. Soul or no soul, Spike is worthy of Buffy’s love.”
Angel was just standing there, trying to digest this new information, when the back door opened and Buffy stuck her head out.
“Umm…guys? Could you come inside now? We’re going to have a little meeting. I have something important to tell everybody.”
*
Buffy looked around at all of them gathered before her. Everyone was waiting for her to tell them what this was all about. She was nervous. She wasn’t sure what to say. She looked at those who already knew, Willow, Giles, Sasha. They all looked anxious for her, but encouraging. Then her eyes fell on Spike, and she could feel his love for her like a physical force. Suddenly, she knew that she would be able to get through this.
“Ummm… Well, you all are probably wondering about the reason for this little meeting, huh?” Buffy began.
She stopped and looked at Spike again. Her eyes didn’t leave his as she said to the room, “You guys are here, because we have an announcement to make.”
“Wait. We? What we? Buffy, what’s going on?” Xander asked.
Buffy held out her hand to Spike, and he came forward to stand beside her. “We,” she said indicating Spike and herself, “have something to tell you all.”
Xander broke in quickly. “Hold on, Buff. I think we all know about you and…Spike by now. Please spare us the details, ok?”
Buffy could tell Xander wasn’t happy with the idea of the two of them together. He had practically spat out Spike’s name. Well, what she was about to say wasn’t going to make him any happier, but he was just going to have to learn to deal.
“Yes, by now I’m sure you all know that Spike and I are a couple.” Both Xander and Angel looked away. Buffy knew this was going to hurt them both, but there was no way to avoid that.
“What you don’t know is that in three days, Spike and I are going to be going through a ritual together.”
Buffy looked around. All eyes were on her now.
She continued. “During this ritual, I will be giving Spike a gift from my heart…a gift of love. I’ll be giving him half of my soul. We will be bound together for all our lifetimes…two bodies sharing one soul. It’s…uh…” She paused and looked again at Xander and Angel before going on. “It’s a binding ceremony…a wedding.”
Xander looked as if he were going to be sick. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out.
Cordelia shot a quick glance at Angel. She expected him to go into his Mr. Broody act at the news. But to her surprise, Angel’s only reaction was a single, long blink. What could be going through his mind? She didn’t understand the feeling of hope that shot through her, so she just dismissed it and brought her attention back to Buffy.
“I know that some of you are going to have…issues with this wedding. But I think you should know a couple of things before you come to any snap decisions about this. First, the ritual will not only give Spike a human soul. He will be human again, and he will also share some of my slayer powers. Second, I love him…and he loves me. We have absolutely no reservations about this ceremony and its consequences. We will go through with it whether all of you approve or not.” Buffy could feel herself gaining strength as she spoke. Spike had reached out and placed his arm around her shoulders. She felt as if she could withstand anything with his love to help her. “Finally, this is going to be the only wedding I ever have. I love all of you guys…you’re all my family. It wouldn’t be the same without all of you there to share it with me…with us,” Buffy said, looking up into Spike’s eyes. “So, I would hope that anyone who has any problems with this will put them aside and be happy for us.”
Xander stood up and walked out of the house without looking back.
*
Buffy sat alone in the dark living room. Everyone was gone…well, everyone who didn’t live there anyway. Spike had been the last to leave, telling her she looked tired and that she needed her rest. She knew he was right, but she couldn’t possibly think about sleep. There was too much on her mind. The house was quiet, and she was lost in thought when a soft voice startled her.
“Buffy?”
“Angel! What are you doing here? I thought you’d left.”
“I did,” he said. “I had to come back. I had to talk to you. I let myself in the back door.”
“Oh.” She couldn’t think of what else to say. Buffy dreaded this conversation. She was afraid that he was going to try to talk her out of the ceremony.
“Buffy, about you and Spike…”
“Angel, you might as well stop right there. Nothing you can say is going to change my mind about Spike. I love him,” she said, interrupting him.
“I know,” he replied quietly, calmly.
“You know?” Buffy was stunned. “You mean you’re not going to try and talk me out of this?”
Angel smiled. “Don’t tempt me. I’m trying to do the noble thing here.”
“Don’t you always?” Buffy said sarcastically and then instantly regretted it. “Angel, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“I know you didn’t, Buffy. We have a history together. We can’t deny that. You’ll always be my first love, and I’ll always be yours.”
Buffy opened her mouth to argue, but Angel held up a hand to stop her. “Just wait, I’m not finished. I admit that I was thrown by the whole Spike thing at first. But, all that changed for me tonight. I talked to Cordelia…and to Dawn. They both made me face some things. I watched you with Spike, the way you two looked at each other, reached out for each other. I listened to what you said and how you said it. And I did a lot of thinking, a lot of soul searching. Buffy, if Spike is the one you love, the one you choose to spend eternity with, then I have to support your decision.”
“Angel…” Buffy wasn’t sure what to say at first. Then the words came to her.
“You don’t know what this means to me. I did love you so much once. Part of me always will. And I know you loved me. But we both know that we’re not the same people anymore. We’ve both grown so much. There is no going back for us. We were just never meant to be. Knowing that you understand, that you’re here for me…I can really put our past behind me now.” She looked up at him. “Thank you,” she whispered, tears in her eyes.
Angel nodded at her words. It was time to let go…for both of them.
“I wish you nothing but happiness, Buffy,” he said as he reached out his hand and touched her cheek one last time.
“I wish the same for you, Angel.”
As he turned to leave, Buffy called out to him. “Angel. I hope you’re able to find someone to love someday.”
An image of Cordy’s face flashed before his eyes. “Thank you, Buffy. I hope so too.”
*
The girls were gathered in Buffy’s room, helping her get ready. Buffy couldn’t believe that her wedding to Spike was just minutes away. She looked around at the women before her. They had all been through so much together. She loved them all like sisters. And she was sure they felt the same way about her. They had been teasing her about Spike becoming the old ball and chain and had told her that she still had time to climb out of the window if she wanted. They all laughed until their faces hurt.
“Ok, ok…we need to get serious here,” Willow declared, interrupting the giggles.
“Oh, I don’t want to get serious. If you guys stop making me laugh, I’m going to get nervous!” Buffy said.
“Sorry, Buff. This is downright serious business,” Willow told her.
“What is? What are you guys up to?” Buffy asked.
“Well, no bride is complete without a few finishing touches. First... Dawnie.”
Dawn stepped forward holding something clutched in her hand. “First, is something old.” Dawn held her hand out to Buffy and dropped a pair of gold and diamond earrings into her sister’s hand.
“Oh, Dawn,” Buffy said softly, “Mom’s earrings.” She looked up at her sister with tears in her eyes. “Thank you.”
After Buffy had fixed the earrings in place, Tara spoke. “Next, is something new,” she said as she quickly stepped through the door of Buffy’s room and a moment later returned with a fresh bouquet of ivory roses tied with an ivory ribbon.
“Tara. They’re beautiful,” Buffy said as she took them from Tara’s hands.
“Then comes something borrowed,” Anya stated as she held up a small diamond solitaire pendant suspended from a delicate gold chain. “Of course, since it is something borrowed, that means you will be returning it right after the ceremony, right?”
Buffy laughed. Anya would never change. “Yes, Anya. I promise to give it back.”
“And finally…something blue.” Willow brought her hand out from behind her back, and twirled a blue satin and lace garter around her finger.
Buffy grinned widely as she took the garter, stepped into it, and slid it up to her thigh.
“You have to promise me one thing, Buffy,” Willow told her with a grim expression.
“Anything, Will. What is it?”
“Promise me you’ll have fun letting Spike take that off you,” Willow said, a wicked gleam in her eye.
“Willow!” Buffy exclaimed in a shocked tone that quickly gave way to peals of laughter. “I really don’t think I’ll have a problem with that!”
Everyone laughed as Buffy hugged each of them in turn.
“You guys don’t know how much this means to me…how much you all mean to me,” she told them.
“We know, Buffy,” Willow said, wiping away a tear. “Ok, girls, let’s give the bride a few minutes before things get started.”
Buffy soon found herself alone, looking into her mirror, making sure everything was in place. She heard the door open slowly. “Come in, Giles. I’m all ready,” she said, looking up from her reflection. Buffy froze.
“Hello, Buff,” Xander said, standing in the doorway.
*
“Xander. You’re here.”
“I kinda had to come. I didn’t want to miss my part.”
“Your part?” Buffy asked, clearly confused.
“You know, Buff. The part where they ask who objects to this wedding. That would be me.”
Buffy suddenly felt extremely tired and about a hundred years old. “Oh, Xander. Why can’t you accept this?”
“Accept what, Buffy? Accept you wasting your life…correction, your lives…on someone like Spike? I can’t do that,” Xander told her, his voice rising slightly.
“Xander, please. Just listen to me. I love Spike. I honestly do. And he has earned my love. He has earned my trust, and he has done everything to earn yours. Why are you resisting this? Why can’t you accept that Spike has changed? Why can’t you accept Spike?” Buffy demanded.
“Because he’s not good enough for you!” Xander exclaimed before he could think. Embarrassed, he bowed his head. “He’s not good enough for you, Buff,” he whispered.
“Xander, who would be? Who would you ever consider good enough for me?”
Xander was surprised. He thought for a moment before replying, “Nobody. I don’t think you could choose anyone that I would approve.”
Buffy nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
“Buffy, I want the very best for you… I love you.” Xander’s words hung in the air between them for a moment before he continued. “You. Willow. I still love you both. I’m sure I always will. I want the best for you two. I want you guys to be happy.”
“Xander, I know. Willow and I both do. It’s one of the things that makes you such a special person…it’s one of the reasons that you’re the heart of the Scoobies. And Will and I love you for it. But… Xander, Spike makes me happy.”
“But, how can he? How can Spike make you happy? I thought you wanted a normal life. Why can’t you ever be happy with just a normal guy?”
Buffy understood now. This had been at the heart of Xander’s problem with Angel. She should have known. Why would he feel any differently about Spike?
“Xander, look at me. Look at me right now.” When his eyes met hers, she went on. “I am not a normal girl. I’m never going to be a normal girl. There’s a chance every day that I’m going to die again. And chances are I’d stay dead this time.” She smiled slightly at her gallows humor.
“My life is destined to be short, Xander. We both know this. Shouldn’t I grab any little bit of happiness I can find and hold on to it for as long as I can?”
There was silence between them. Xander looked into her eyes, and then looked down at his feet, weighing everything she’d just said. The tension was thick as the silence lengthened. Finally, Xander let out a sigh and stepped forward to embrace her.
“I still don’t think you’re doing the right thing, but… If this is what you want…” Xander’s voice cracked with emotion. He had to whisper to continue. “Just be happy, Buff.”
Xander released her and left the room before she had time to react.
*
Buffy was once again seated before her mirror a few minutes later when she heard a soft knock on her door. She turned to look as the door opened and Giles peeked his head into the room.
“Are you ready for this, Buffy?”
She smiled up at the man she considered to be her father. “Are you?” Buffy asked him with an amused grin.
Giles smiled back at her. “Well, I believe I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Giles? Do you remember Willow’s spell to have her will done?”
“Oh, thank you so much for reminding me of that. I’ve been doing my best to repress.”
“Well, did you ever imagine when I asked you to give me away at my wedding to Spike, that you’d actually be doing it?”
“At the time, thankfully no,” he said as his smile widened. Suddenly, his face sobered. “But now… Buffy, I honestly have no reservations about this ceremony. I truly believe that the two of you are prepared to face this together. And so, I find it a great honor to be the one to give you away to him today.”
“Gee, Giles. Are you ever gonna get the 25 words or less concept?” Buffy asked, teasing him.
He couldn’t help the smile that returned to his face. “No, I doubt seriously I ever shall. Now, let’s take a proper look at you,” he said, taking off his glasses and polishing them as she stood up. Replacing them, he watched as she turned slowly for his inspection.
Her dress was a plain silk ivory sheath. She wore a single ivory rose, one that she had taken from her bouquet, in her hair. She was beautiful, elegant in her simplicity.
“Buffy,” Giles breathed, “I don’t think you’ve ever looked lovelier.”
Buffy beamed at his praise. “Ya think?”
“Absolutely,” he confirmed, nodding his approval.
“Thank you, Giles. And thank you for being here for me today.”
“Yes, well,” Giles paused, overcome with emotion that he quickly concealed, clearing his throat. “I suppose we shouldn’t keep your groom waiting any longer.”
“Couldn’t you have just said, let’s get this show on the road?”
“Buffy!”
“Sorry, Giles. I couldn’t resist.”
*
The staircase wasn’t wide enough to allow them to walk down together, so Giles went ahead and waited for her at the bottom. Buffy descended the stairs alone, and with each step, she was more and more surprised. The Summers’ living room had been lit with dozens of white candles, giving it a soft, romantic glow. The mantelpiece had been decorated with ivory roses that matched the ones in her bouquet. And there, in the center, surrounded by more candles, was a picture of her mother. She knew that her friends had done this all for her, and she was overwhelmed by it. But how had they known to include the picture? How had they known how much she longed for her mother to be there?
Dawn.
Buffy’s eyes sought out her sister’s. Dawn was the only one who could understand how much she missed their mom at this moment. As she took in Dawn’s shining eyes and wide smile, Buffy knew she was right. This had been her sister’s doing.
As she reached the bottom of the staircase, Giles held out his arm to her, and the two of them made their way through the living room. Everyone stood in groups of two or three scattered around the room. Fred and Gunn were the first ones they passed, Gunn leaning down so Fred could whisper in his ear. Next were the Sunnydale expatriates, Cordelia, Angel and Wesley. Gabe and Raven stood against the wall, holding hands. Tara and Eve smiled encouragingly to Buffy as she passed them. And there, standing next to Anya, was Xander. Buffy’s gaze locked with his, and he inclined his head almost imperceptively. Buffy felt her heart swell with love for them all, her family.
Finally, they reached the fireplace where the small bridal party, such as it was, had gathered. Sasha, of course, would be performing the ritual. Willow and Dawn would act as maids of honor for her. Nate was standing up with Spike, and it wasn’t only because he was the only male member of the gang that Spike hadn’t completely offended…or tried to kill. Spending so much time in the Summers’ house together, the two had actually done some male bonding and become friends. And after glancing at all the others, Buffy’s eyes came to rest on Spike.
She blinked in surprise. Spike was looking at her with a dazed expression on his face. Why was he looking at her that way?
He must have seen the question in her eyes. “You’re just so beautiful,” he whispered.
She smiled. “Are you saying that I’m usually bark-worthy?” Buffy asked, teasing him.
“No. You know how beautiful I’ve always thought you were, but now…” Spike stopped, completely at a loss for words.
Buffy was so happy, she wrapped her arms around him and brought his lips down to hers.
After a moment, they were brought back to the present by the sound of someone clearing her throat. “Doesn’t the kiss usually come at the end of the ceremony?” Willow asked.
Buffy and Spike broke the kiss and slowly took in the amused expressions of those around them.
“If you two are quite finished, we may begin,” Sasha told them.
“Right,” Spike said. “Let’s get this show on the road!”
Buffy turned to Giles, “See. Now was that so difficult?”
Giles gave Buffy a pained look before nodding to Sasha.
Sasha began, “As most of you know, Willow, Tara, and I have been working tirelessly over the last few days in preparation for this ritual. We have already done most of the work, so the ceremony itself is relatively simple. Buffy, William, all that must be done to commence the change is to bind your hands together with this golden thread.”
“That’s it? No mumbo jumbo? No hocus pocus?” Spike asked.
“That is all. However, if you and Buffy wish to say something to one another, that would be acceptable.”
Buffy and Spike looked at each other and then both nodded. They each had something they wanted to say.
“William, take Buffy’s left hand in your own and say what’s in your heart.”
Spike began to speak as he clasped her hand. “Buffy, the last thing I ever wanted to do was love you. Vampires are supposed to kill Slayers, not love them. I knew I always had a strong attraction to you, but I thought that it was just the attraction of predator to prey. I’ll never forget the day I realized how wrong I’d been. I had a dream. You and I were fighting…nothing unusual there…and then the next thing I knew, you were in my arms, and it felt like you belonged there. I was kissing you, and that’s all I wanted to do for the rest of my life. The words came out like they had been ripped from my soul…I love you. Buffy, I love you. I always have, and I always will. And I will spend the rest of my days loving you, protecting you, and fighting by your side.”
Buffy swallowed back the emotion that threatened to overcome her. Her voice shook slightly as she spoke. “Spike, you know I never wanted to love you either. For so long, I refused to see you as anything other than a monster. I thought of you as a thing...unworthy of even my kindness, let alone my love. But I slowly came to realize that you had changed. Slowly, I began to understand that you were always there when I needed someone most. I started to rely on you, to trust you. I trusted you with the lives of my mother and my sister…there can be no greater trust than that. But still, I fought my growing feelings for you. I was afraid to love you. Luckily, you never know when to give up. Thankfully, you wore down my resistance and forced me to face the truth. And now I can say without reservation, I love you, Spike. I will spend the rest of my days loving you, protecting you, and fighting by your side.”
Spike was surprised and pleased to hear her repeat his words back to him. It made this feel like it really was a wedding, and these were their vows. He reached up with his right hand and caressed her cheek.
Sasha stepped forward and without a word wrapped the golden thread around their clasped hands.
Buffy felt as if she had been struck. There was confusion and overwhelming pain.
Spike gasped suddenly, like a drowning man fighting to fill his lungs. He clutched his chest as if in pain and fell to his knees, bringing Buffy with him.
Everyone started to move toward the couple to try and help them, but Buffy held up her right hand to warn them to stay back. Whatever was happening, it was between her and Spike and no one else.
The pain was intense. Buffy didn’t know how much longer she could stand it. She could hear ragged gasps coming from Spike, and the thought that he was suffering hurt her even more. Then, as suddenly as it began, the pain stopped. All that was left was confusion. What was going on?
Spike looked up at Buffy and their eyes locked. A surge of pure love flowed between them, surrounded them, and penetrated them. Buffy had known that Spike loved her, but now she could feel it. She knew exactly what was in his mind, his heart…and he knew exactly what was in hers. Buffy had never felt something so pure, so sweet, so perfect. She had never felt love like this before, not even with Spike, because there was no doubt, no fear.
“Do not think that you two have gotten off so easily. The change will be difficult, especially for you, William,” Sasha told the couple. “You will experience guilt, remorse, pain for what you have done. You will suffer. But not now. Now is a time for happiness, not for sorrow. You and Buffy deserve a little time. So, I have staunched the flow of memories. It will not be for long, but I have granted you this respite.”
“Thank you, Sasha,” Buffy told her. “Thank you for everything.”
Spike was trying to rise to his feet, and Buffy reached out to help him. As she touched him, she laughed. “I know,” Spike said. “I’m warm. Here. Feel.” He took her hand and placed it on his chest.
“Your heart is beating!”
Spike removed the thread from their hands and took her into his arms. He looked down at the woman he loved, ran his fingers through her hair.
Buffy could feel his warm breath on her face and tears slipped down her cheeks. “I never thought I could be so happy,” she whispered.
“This is nothing, just you wait.”
The promise hovered between them as Spike covered her lips with his own.
*
Hours later, Buffy and Spike finally found themselves alone. Sasha, Tara, and Willow had relinquished their house for the couple. They now found themselves in a room that the three Wiccas had readied just for them.
“Have I told you how beautiful you are?” Spike looked down into Buffy’s eyes as her arms went around his neck.
“Yes, several times today and again just now before you even spoke. We don’t need words now, remember?”
“I know, but words you will get. You deserve to be told you’re beautiful, and I plan to tell you often.”
“Spike, I appreciate the sentiment, but shut up and kiss me.”
“Always have to be the one in control, don’t you, luv? Wait. Why on earth am I arguing?”
Spike leaned down and gently brushed his lips against hers. Their kiss began as just a teasing mixture of breath and lightest of touches, but neither of them would be satisfied with that for long.
Buffy entwined her fingers in Spike’s hair. With the slightest pressure on the back of his neck, she let him know how much she wanted more. Her lips parted beneath his, and he was lost in the sweetness of her mouth.
Spike’s hands were on her back, pulling her even closer to him. He could just not seem to get close enough to her. He didn’t want to just feel her against him. He wanted her to surround him…he wanted to lose himself in her.
Buffy broke their kiss, moaning softly, as one of Spike’s hands grazed her breast. She was disappointed when his hand did not linger but continued its journey upward. She looked at him with confusion in her eyes.
Spike ran his fingers slowly along her jaw as he smiled into her eyes. “Patience, luv,” he told her, “I want to touch you, to taste you, to love you…and I’m in no hurry.”
Buffy gasped at his words. She could feel desire spreading throughout her body. She wanted him so desperately. She loved him so much.
Spike lowered his head once again, but instead of the kiss Buffy had been expecting, he pressed his lips gently to that wonderfully sensitive place where her neck and shoulder met.
Buffy closed her eyes and reveled in the sensations Spike was creating for her. She wondered how it was possible to feel shivers throughout her body at the same time she could feel intense heat wherever his hands and lips touched her.
Spike slowly kissed his way up the side of her throat. His hand tilted her chin upward and then with a maddeningly light touch, his fingers gently teased her jaw, her earlobe, and down the other side of her throat to her shoulder. Then his lips were once again on hers…tasting, teasing.
Buffy could not contain the small moan that escaped her lips as Spike’s hand finally came to rest on her breast. She loved everything he was doing to her, but it just wasn’t enough. She had to feel his skin against hers, and she knew he felt the same way. In just moments, their clothes had been tossed aside, forgotten.
Spike took Buffy’s hand and led her to the bed. He kissed her gently while guiding her down to lie on the mattress. He marveled at how far they had come together. It hadn’t been long ago when he had thought that Buffy would never feel anything but contempt for him. And now here they were, joined for eternity. He knew that she loved him. He could feel her love coming to him in warm waves.
Buffy was lost in Spike’s eyes. She knew he was reading her thoughts…feeling her love and passion for him. She could feel her love returned in his touch, in his kiss. She didn’t have to read his mind to know how he felt, she could see it in his eyes.
Her gaze remained fixed on his until the overwhelming pleasure of feeling him slide inside her forced her to throw her head back and close her eyes. Buffy didn’t care about anything right now but how he made her feel. The Disciple. The First. Another Apocalypse… None of that meant anything now. She and Spike deserved this little bit of happiness. They would forget the world for just this one night.