Email: slayage@hotmail.com
Rating: PG Angst (as usual)
Feedback: Please!!! Gimme!
Disclaimer: Not mine, blah blah, Joss Whedonıs, blah, blahand so forth
Spoilers: Up to Buffy season 4 and Angel season 1
Summary: What if Buffy did decide to send a note with Oz when he went to deliver the Gem of Amarra to Angel? Angelıs POV
Authorıs Note: The quotes at the beginning are taken directly out of the episode, "In the Dark"
When I take the gem and the note from Ozıs hand, the gem is immediately forgotten. I convince Doyle to leave talk of the Gem of Amarra alone for a while, and he soon leaves with Cordy and a reluctant Oz.
"Okay, you have it your way man, but Iım still going to celebrate with a drink down at the pub," Doyle says as he begins to leave the room and enter the elevator shaft. Cordelia, as always, puts in her two cents.
"Heıd celebrate the opening of a mail box with a drink down at the pub," she says with a smile. She follows Doyle out and calls back to Oz. "You coming Oz?"
"Yeah, I could eat," he says quietly.
"Go ahead," I quickly say to Oz, assuring him that Iım perfectly content to be left alone with my thoughts and the note from my beloved. He realizes Iım eager to read it, and so he soon follows the others for a bite to eat.
I sit down at my desk and place the letter on its surface. I stare at it for a few minutes, now beginning to debate whether I even want to read it and open up old wounds.
Not that the wounds are old yet.
The writing on the envelope has my name written on it in Buffyıs beautiful handwriting. I know Iım going to read the letter sooner or later, so I decide to save myself some time and get it over with. Iım afraid of what sheıll say, though. Will she write of her feelings of betrayal, how she thought that I would always be by her side, and instead I shattered her heart into a million pieces? Or will she write of her love? At the moment, Iım not sure which would hurt worse.
I rip open the envelope with a letter opener on my desk and pull out the note. Itıs folded in three sections, and I swear, if it could, my heart would beat faster as I unfold each.
I inhale an unnecessary breath, and begin:
My Dearest Angel,
I was debating sending a note along with Oz for a really long time, and ultimately realized I had no choice in the matter. Not being able to talk to you, or see you, is killing me slowly.
Iım sorry if what Iım about to say will hurt you, but I feel there are a lot of things that were left unsaid when you vanished on Graduation Day.
First of all, I wish you wouldıve said goodbye. I donıt care how hard it wouldıve been, I think I needed that. If you want me to move on with my life, which Iım trying to do, I need some form of closure. Donıt get me wrong, Iım not writing this letter to say goodbye to you, I donıt think Iıll ever be able to say goodbye to you. But the way you left, I never got to tell youa lot of things. I wanted to tell you, for what may have been the last time, that I love you, that I will always love you.
I admit, for a little while I felt betrayed, and Iım sure I let that be known to you in a couple of the conversations we had. But when I finally grew up, I admitted to myself that you really were trying to do what was best for me. And even though I donıt agree with your decision, I will still be eternally grateful to you.
We werenıt just a regular couple. And I donıt just mean that in the obvious way. I donıt mean because youıre a vampire and Iım a slayer. It was never about that to me. To me, you were a man. A man that I loved, and when I was with you, I was just a regular girl. And you made me feel like a woman. We werenıt just a regular couple because I truly believe we were more in love with eachother than was actually possible. No one on this planet could possibly understand our connection, a connection that was so much more than skin deep.
Iıve said it before, and Iıll say it again. I love you. Please, never, ever forget that. The knowledge that you love me as well will no doubt be getting me through some tough times in my life. Iıll wish that you were here to help me get through them, but Iıll take what I can get.
I need you to know one last thing. If I do obey your wishes, and get on with my life, you need to no that no one can take your place in my heart. No one.
It wouldnıt be possible.
Your love forever,
Buffy
And as I read the last of the letter, I say her name quietly to myself. A lone tear slides down my cheek, and onto the paper.
FINIS