CONCEPT by wretched
PLOT by Dreamer

This tale told by wretched

DEAD-icated to Little Fluffy Bunny



Giles looked down at the smoldering fag, still spewing acrid fumes, tottering on the cusp of his overflowing ashtray. "Nasty habit, that," he mocked himself and procceded to pour himself a tumbler of Jameson's scotch. He looked down at the tiny glass, downing it in a single gulp. He put down the tumbler and picked up a Big Slurp - no doubt a leftover from that adenoidal Xander's trips to Double Meat land, he thought, and poured the scotch to the brim.

"'ey! Whata boot me, dad? Keepin' all d' rum tummies fer yerself and not sharing! Whats yer mum gonna say --no manners and all that?"

He glanced over to his couch, recently steam cleaned as only he could being a gentleman of rare leisure these days, and glared at the retro brit punk bouncing around on his pride and joy.

"No right you being all growed up and such-- and a fine anglish gent yer are now-- no doubt being me and all that."

"I'd like to test your assumption that you and I are one and the same personage..." Giles disdainfully removed his glasses, squinting through the haze at what could only be his younger self. "For example, that shiner, you sport rather so prominently ..."

"Me and Ethan were mixing it up with a bunch o'werts round d' henge--blasted goody goodies always bolloxing up our nice and nasties. Blasted snerts--" the brash, ill clad punk snarled, nervously fingering the skull hanging from his lobe.

"Ah, yes," Giles smiled, "the battle of the magicks. I remember now..."

"Im baaack! And Double Meat means..." Buffy threw open the door. She looked from Giles to Ripper and back to Giles. "Uh yah?"

"Hellllo, luv..all nice and prompty with bags of incinerated beastie for thou and thee." Young Ripper goggled.

"Uh, Giles... whats with Malcom McDowell all clockwork oranged?"

"That Buffy," again the glasses-- the dabbing, the squint, "evidently is me. Or rather as I was..."

"When I WAS!" Ripper laughed raucously.

Buffy gingerely stepped past the lascivious punk that was to become her Watcher, sidestepping his outstretched arms. "But how -- why? Huh? And other words of surprise that Im too speechless to utter?"

Giles took another gulp of his medicinal brew. "Evidently that spell that Willow cast when we were fighting the Capra demon--the one that seemed to know me and yet I knew nothing of him-- well, actually I did back in my youth when I was him..."

"Tha's right, dad - me and the Black Reign wished 'im up! All kinds of blood spewing nasty he was -- all slime and butt guttery --doing the foul and fiendish. But Ethan, jack a knave he, pulled the old double C." Young Ripper was up and prancing as only a hormonal male could in the presence of a ripe young plum. "Took a hit on the gulliver and couldn't remember a thing 'bout it--"

"Until I just mentioned it," Giles rolled his eyes. "Naturally."

"Oh Peachy-- cant wait to get older and go all nancy boy. I'd rather be dead if 'es what Im gonna turn into. Bugger me! Im a trad, dad." he grabbed for Buffy. "Watcher? I'm a doer!"

"I still don't get it?" she smacked him back onto the couch.

"Rough, eh? Wait til I black sabbath your iron maiden!"

"Well, to restore my knowledge of...uh...my youthful indiscretions, Willow and Tara conjured a defogging spell ..." Giles looked disdainfully at his younger impetuous self, "and instead of restoring my youthful pre magik weeded memory, produced this --THIS young Ripper. All ticking time bomb, hates the world, blackest of magicks..."

"Thats me alright, then-- in a bleeding nutshell. The question is, all Mr Knowy Show, who cracked your jewels?!"

Buffy slumped down on the couch. "For this I get brought back from the dead...???"

Ripper lunged at her, his face inches from hers. "Dead were you? All hot and bothered with flamey demons doing the nasty-- shagging in the pits? Pendulum -- were you, pet??"

Giles threw down his glasses and grabbed his younger self by the dog collar, "Knock it off, junior or I'll rip your bleedin' 'eart out myself!"

Ripper leered, "But if ya do dat, mate, there wont be no you to be enjoying that Earl Grey cliche. "

Giles released his strangehold and lit another cig. Buffy grabbed it out of his mouth and threw it to the floor, stomping on it. "Enough! Ive had it it from both of you --" She glanced from Giles to Giles as the shrieking cry of a tremulous banshee erupted from outside-- a sound so horrific ears bled.

Giles and Giles looked at each other, "Capra demon!"

Buffy ran to the window. "It's got Willow!" She back flipped out the door, somersaulting off into the night.

Ripper turned and saw Giles following, battle axes bared for action. "Thought you were a watcher?"

"Watch welp and learn!" Giles yelled over his shoulder.

"Learn? You've forgotten what I can do -- that voodoo that I do soooo well," he sat quitely assuming the shiva position and began chanting backwards aramaic.

Time seemed to shift and space unravelled--colors shimmering in waves of light and smoke. Young Ripper's eyes rolled inwards as he deepend the incantation.

Buffy unleashed a powerful kick to the demon's jutting tusks. Unaffacted, he held Willow aloft with his four arms. Backflipping she smashed him again. But the demon held his ground. Willow stirred in her stupor. "Uh...Buffy..."

"Maka reoma tyme akino maharia scurvatus..."

Giles hacked and slashed away. With a thunderous roar, the demon hurled Willow at Buffy. Maintaining his two axed assault, he glanced quickly at his stunned young charge. He could feel the wind beginning to swirl around his feet.

Young Rip held his focus. The darkness within had ben released -- time and space unfolded ...and then collapsed into a rapidly diminishing pool of light. He slumped forward.

The Caprathian began to pixilate before Giles' eyes. Molecules ripped asunder, it discorporated in a blinding white shriek.

Opening his eyes, the inky pools of black recognition filled him with dread. He pulled at the hands around his throat. The hands that were strangling the life out of him. He could see what had been was now older, much older, and fouler than the most imaginable stench.

"Ettthhhhhaaaaan....."

"Time to go home, mate. Of course, if I just snuff you here and now it would be ever so pleasant--there'll be no you back then to be you now, would there? Checkmate. End game. Ad finitus Rippus."

"Eatoin shrdlu," Ripper gasped.

Standing in the open door, carrying an unconscious Buffy, staggering Willow by his side, Giles stared down his eternal nemesis.

"Vedi apparati ex deux ..." Ripper the elder whispered.

Ethan Rain, master macabre of the dark arts, fell face forward onto the shag carpetting, unconscious. Young Giles was gone as if he had never been.

Buffy stirred, "Giles -- whaaa--huh?"

Giles softly stroked her hair, "There, there. All is- was- as it always shall and will be. You slayed the demon, vanguished the foe.
And when Ethan finally wakes up and I beat the living tar out of him, I'll have one hell of a bloody hangover."

Willow dug into her Hello Kitty purse. "Aspirin?"

THUS ENDETH PART THE FIRST

COMING SOON: PART THE SECOND or being a party of the Second IN A SUBTEXT of a PARTY OF THE FIRST...