Email: slayage@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: Don’t own any of the characters, blah, blah, blah

Rating: PG

Summary: Right after Graduation Day. Buffy’s POV. What’s going on in Buffy’s heart and mind right after Angel walks out of her life.

Spoilers: Up to the end of season three. Obviously.

Author’s Note: The lyrics are from the song "Here With Me" by Michelle Branch, off of her album, ‘The Spirit Room’.

 

He left. He really left. I watched his form disappear behind the darkness and the fog, and he was just…. gone. Since the night he told me he was leaving me, I tried to convince myself that he would change his mind, that he would realize the only way we could live was with eachother. But I knew all along that he would go, and I would let him. I knew in my head that it was the logical thing to do, for both of us.

But since when has our love been ‘logical’? Like everyone loves to remind me time and time again, he’s a vampire, and I’m a slayer. Can’t get much simpler than that right? God, I hate this. I hate the way he makes me feel, the way he’s always made me feel; like I can’t breathe if I’m not touching him. But now he’s even more forbidden to me than he was before. I’ll never again be able to feel my fingertips run across his soft, cool lips. I’ll never feel those lips pressed against mine. Ever. And there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

When he began to walk away that night, I wanted so badly to go after him. To fall to my knees before him and beg him to stay. I knew, though, that that would only break his heart even more, and I couldn’t do that to him.

Even if he did it to me.

He ripped out my heart and stepped on it, simply trying to do what’s best for me. When he disappeared from view on Graduation Day, this huge part of the girl he loved died.

The part of her that shared her love so freely. The girl who believed that love healed all wounds. She was gone, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever find her again. Not without him.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to let somebody in again, to let myself fall in love so deeply and put so much on the line. If someone ever asks me how you know if you’re in love, I’d tell them you’d only know when your heart is split down the middle.

But I’d tell them to fall in love all the same.

I’ll never stop loving him. And I know that he’ll never stop loving me. That alone gives me the strength I need to go on. Maybe we weren’t destined to be together, but I don’t think that changes the fact that he’s my soulmate, my true love. He’ll always be apart of me, and I hope I’ll always be apart of him. Through his immortality, our love will last forever.

But I still I cry at night, when no one can hear me, when no one can see me fall apart.

As I lay in my bed, my tears flow freely for him, and for our lost love. And I pray that someday we’ll find it again, and he’ll be here with me again.

‘I never will forget

the look upon your face,

how you turned away,

and left without a trace.

But I understand that you did what you had to do,

And I thank you’

 

FINIS