Buffy: "Too late"? What do you mean, too late?
*BZZZIIITTT*
Buffy: *Duck* *Duck* * Rollllll*
Andrew: So what do you think guys? I’m giving her a 6.4.
Buffy: What!???
Jonathan: Yeah, I still think Harrison Ford avoided the buzzsaws better in Indiana Jones…
Buffy: Indiana Jones, huh? How about Xena? *WHACK*

Jonathan: *splotch, splotch, splotch*. Why do I have to do this? And this demon skin is still all wet!
Warren: Live with it, shorty. *push* *ZAP*
Andrew: Think he’s gonna pull it off?
Jonathan: AAAARRRGGHH!!!
Warren: What’s going on???
Jonathan: *ZAP* Oooooohhhh… Here. I got your orbs.
Warren: What happened? And why does your demon suit have a hole, um… there…
Jonathan: No one ever told me there were gay demons out there!

Jonathan: Why are we risking everything so Warren can get a date?
Andrew: Listen, shorty. He’s Picard, you’re Deanna Troi. Get used to it.
Demon (bearing flowers): Deanna Troi is fine by me, sweetheart.
Jonathan: Oh, NO!!!
Warren: Well, at least he’s after your balls, not mine.

Xander: I think there’s a cold one left in the fridge.
Buffy: Thanks, but it’s still a bit early for me.
Xander: How about a screwdriver, then?
Buffy: No thanks, really…
Xander: All right then, how about a rum and coke?
Buffy: Xander… why do you absolutely want to fix me a drink?
Xander: Well, I thought you liked "spiked" drinks… *chuckle*
Buffy: Actually, I think I’ll have a Bloody Xander, um Caesar… *WHACK*

Spike (sitting on edge of bathtub): Buffy, can you tell me why we can’t ever have a serious conversation about our relationship?
Buffy (in tub): Look, rubber ducky! Quack-quack!

Clem: Hey, Spike, I brought hot wings, there’s a Knight Rider marathon on TV tonight…
Spike: It’s not a Knight Rider marathon, you nit, it’s a DeKnight marathon. Who do you think wrote this episode?
DeKnight: Well, one gets his limelight where he can…
Spike: Yeah, well I’m leaving town, so I don’t have time to look at all those kinky scenes you wrote.
DeKnight: Spike, do you like your job?
Spike: Um…
DeKnight: Then rev up the VCR, mate.

Warren: What’s the matter, baby? You never fought a real man before?
Jonathan (jumping on Buffy’s back): The orbs… Smash the orbs!
Buffy: *smash*
Warren: Wha… what did you do?
Buffy: I broke your balls. You’re a man without balls. *chuckle*
Demon (still bearing flowers): I like that in a man.
Buffy: Um… friend of yours?
Warren: Oh, no!!! *whoosh*

Andrew: I can’t believe he’d do that to me! He abandoned me!
Cop: Sit down, you.
Andrew: I don’t understand how Warren could do that! He let me down!
Jonathan: Ah, shut up.
Cop: Jonathan, Andrew… meet your cell-mate.
Demon: Hello, lovers…
Jonathan and Andrew: GYAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Xander: Um… Willow, I know you’re angry, but maybe that red-eyes bit isn’t such a good idea…
Willow: Why not?
Xander: Well, for one, standing there on the curb, you’re holding up all the traffic with those red eyes.
Willow: That’s the idea! Warren is so not getting out of town!

DeKnight: …and this is a scene I filmed eight months ago to show how Buffy could be more like Ally McBeal. Notice my clever use of Robert Downey, Jr. as the Vampire Master.
Clem: Zzzzz…
Spike: Oh, balls, couldn’t I just be somewhere else, like Timbuktu?
DeKnight: Hmmm… That can be arranged. *Takes notes*