But why the SiTs? Why do they deserve an article all their own? Well, I’m glad you asked...

Okay, actually I’m not glad you asked because I don’t have a clue. Truth is, there’s really no reason at all why I came up with this possibly career-ending topic. But I really like Chao-Ahn, so lets just pretend that there’s a valid excuse for me to dedicate this article to her. Anyway, let’s get to it! SiTs, please!

Sure, we all know them by face, age, and sexual orientation, but who are they really? What makes them tick? Well, unfortunately all we have to go on are a few dialogue snippets and facial expressions...but I think I’ve gathered enough info on my side to form a rather uneducated but detailed opinion as to the who, what, where, why, when, and how of the SiT community. Sure, there are some of them I hate and some of them I love. Hell, some of them I couldn’t possibly watch this show without! But before we talk about that, let’s analyze each of our more well-known potential heroines first. I have a feeling some of you could use a brush up on matching the names with the faces...or at least the traits. And believe me, I know they’re hard to keep up with. Why, we have more stereotypes here than the entire Village People.

At the top of the food chain, we’ve got Kennedy. We all know her best as Willow’s blossoming love. She’s the girl who swares she was a military drill instructor in a past life, but still makes time for the occasional lesbian inside joke to a totally “have-no-fucking-clue-what-you’re-talking-about” audience. She’s the oldest, which apparently makes her the leader (it’s SiT logic, dating back millenniums). And even though I’d argue Chao-Ahn deserves the spotlight more than this rising star brunette, I’ll humbly count my blessings that they didn’t nominate Eve or Rona for this position.

But more seriously, Kennedy is possibly the best thing to happen to Willow in a long, long time. I’ve got to admit that, and despite her hogging time credits away from my other little SiTs, I like her more than I did Tara when she was first introduced. Ever since Kennedy was brought into this season, I’ve heard many negative comments about the chemistry between her and Willow. But, in all fairness, I personally find the chemistry better than I did between Willow and Tara during Season Four. Don’t get me wrong, because Season Five gave us a whole new side to Tara that was previously unseen and more likeable, but judging her by the fourth season alone sort of makes me long for the days of Oz...not that I still don’t long for that crazy Buddhist monk werewolf to one day come crashing in through the front door.

With all that in mind, I believe if there ever were a Season Eight in an alternate reality...Kennedy and Willow would have chemistry through the roof. But unfortunately, we’ll never see that develop. And also unfortunately, we’re spending way too much time on this side note. Let’s get on to the details with my other little SiTs. See how Kennedy not only hogs the show but also my article?

Next, in order of descending age, we’ve got Vi. I gotta say, I really like Vi. Before Chao-Ahn made an appearance, this girl had to be the most likeable one of the bunch. For those of you who don’t remember her (in other words, all of you), Vi is the rainbow-shirt-wearing free-spirit with the funny hat. We all know her best as “hat girl.” Oh sure, you all remember her now. That knitted cap with the rainbow colors and a dumbfounded expression that just screams “Where the hell am I?” at every given moment of the day. She’s been around for a while now, though lately we’ve seen less of her. Damn Republican network executives trying to keep the Green spirit down! But don’t be fooled! Even though she looks like a relatively harmless tree-hugger, she’s still a violent vixen (see how I used “vi” in those last two words?). She also enjoys hurting arms. She’s got a thing about arms. Really gets off on that type of thing I think.

And who could forget Eve? The very name foreshadowed her temptation gig. She tried her hardest by way of The First to control the minds of the other girls. Of course, having that heavy of an accent probably hurt her case more than it was worth. I really do wish that The First would have at least tried to alter her vocal cords for us. The shriek of that 1860s dialect that no modern day southerner would ever dare claim (not even Dr Phil) still haunts my dreams at night. I’m just happy we won’t ever have to hear her again. Of course, we are at the mercy of The First regarding that. The perfect tool to force the Scoobs into submission...or at least the ratings.

When it comes to most annoying, we’ve got Rona. I can’t really explain my annoyance regarding this character, but she really does manage to annoy the living shit out of me everytime she opens her mouth. I don’t know if it’s because of her far-fetched conclusions she seems to draw everytime something goes minorly wrong or simply because of the fact that she didn’t grow up consumed by the SiT universe (and therefore I may subconsciously be linking her with my annoyance toward Buffy who had a similar upbringing). Whatever the reason, the fact still stands. Kill her soon and kill her well. No First recap for you, my dear. I must ask though, of all the SiTs and aside from Kennedy, why in the world is Rona getting the most screen time? Sure hope this isn’t a sign that she’ll be outlasting the rest of my little SiTs.

Annabelle! Woohoo! Annabelle! If only I had something to say here. But I don’t. So...

I really liked Molly at first. And even though she would have been a refreshing dose of realism...for some strange reason she developed some type of a psychotic blood rage persona. Which, you know, would have been cool...if she wasn’t fifteen and her name wasn’t Molly. I mean, everytime I hear the name Molly I directly link it to the short kid who was always picked on in Annie. This hot-headed SiT still has a drive similar to Faith, but only without the dark side evil sexiness that so allured fans to the Chosen One. Kill her or leave her, this writer could care less. Though it is refreshing to finally see a possible British vampire slayer.

The youngest SiT...Chloe. The girl who had more personalities than there are backstories in the Evil Dead series. She did, however, have a really cool vanishing trick that I wish many of the other SiTs (*cough*Rona*cough*) would take note on. I know, what a horrible thing to say. But consider who is next on the list...

Amanda. I hate her. I possibly hate her more than Rona. So I take back everything I said about Rona and I apply it to Amanda instead.

And finally...

Chao-Ahn! Oh yes, my lovely, lovely Chao-Ahn. She takes the award for best-looking SiT this year, her Asian heritage helping her to bypass the other girls with relative ease. So she can’t speak a lick of English. Big deal. Zhang didn’t speak any English in Rush Hour 2, yet it still remains a dedicated member to my video collection. Wanna know why? Actually, you probably don’t wanna know why. But hey, Cantonese is one of the top five most sexiest languages in the world, you know! And even though Chao-Ahn is probably the only reason why I chose this topic for today, there’s really not much else to say about her other than the fact she’s one hot tamale. So...moving on...

We also have the chicks from Istanbul and Germany, but I really don’t want to dwell on either of them. Currently it seems somehow we’ve managed to spare at least 16 and at most 20 young SiTs and launched them into preparation for a big battle against something they can’t even touch. Even though we won’t probably get the chance to know any of the others more in depth, other than the strange blonde girl from Storyteller, we still appreciate all they contribute to our Buffyverse. After all, without the SiTs we’d have one hell of a crappy season on our hands. Actually, that’s probably inaccurate but I’m trying my damnedest to give these characters a push. Especially Vi, because everybody seems to always forget she exists. Just remember...hat girl with rainbow shirt.

So, now that that mindless ranting is over, let’s get to the heart of this essay. After all, I still have some questions regarding these lovely little SiTs. First of all, what does it even mean to be a potential? Seems simple enough. But is it really a simple question to answer?

Okay, maybe it is. Young girls who could be the next slayer, right? That’s a pretty basic and narrow definition. And everything about them at first seemed to indicate nothing but this small hint of information. They were basically dead batteries waiting for a charge. Without that charge, they were mostly just mini-Zeppos.

But after we watch some more, we find that this isn’t exactly completely accurate (in other words, inaccurate). We find our potentials have a little more than just potential. For example, when Kennedy (drill sergeant), Rona (annoying bitch), Molly (bloodlust bunny), and Vi (hat girl) all get locked away with a vampire we find that these girls already have some hidden abilities even without the added slayer powers. And we also have the whole situation with Amanda fighting a vampire, but I’m not going to waste my article on her. So, back to the four girls and the vamp, we find that the abilities of a slayer are not completely passed on simply through the death of a previous slayer. We might be able to rule in favor of these girls simply having combat experience with their watchers, but Rona is thrown into the mix so it’s hard to justify that. And then there’s Amanda, but again I really don’t want to waste my article.

And speaking on this topic, we find that our Chloe has once again disappeared. Where the hell was she when all of this took place anyway? Seems like Buffy wasn’t paying very close attention to the roster list on her training sheet. Could this be the reason why our “Winnie the Pooh”-loving brunette got well acquainted with the rope? If so, Buffy really should try a little harder to make an effort in the future.

Buffy continues to treat my little SiTs...I mean, the SiTs...like garbage. She yells at them, never tells them she loves them, and never allows them to grow or mature. She’s like prison guard Buffy all the sudden...not even giving Chloe the respect of a few final words. So Chloe got scared. Big deal. Let’s not forget when Buffy got scared. Oh, wait. That doesn’t matter, because Buffy doesn’t give a damn about her own mistakes. Even after a good counseling session she still sees other peoples problems as minor specs of dust compared to her own. Despite the fact she’s the one with the power to stand up for herself and these girls are just as good as turtles in a race, Buffy still seems to think that other people don’t have problems. Does anyone here remember when Buffy gave up and let the Master kill her? Or when Buffy gave up and skipped town to leave her friends dealing with the forces of darkness all on their own? Of course, for Buffy, life goes on. She’s the cat with the nine lives. And why Buffy survived the Master’s bite...Joss only knows. I guess she was just something that was needed for the second season. I’d make a good argument that we could have done a lot better without her, but I’ll leave that topic for another day.

For now, let’s just remember that Buffy was scared beyond belief in season one, yet had the slayer abilities that were needed for a fair fight against the evil she faced. Why are we so harsh on Chloe for giving up as well? This fourteen year old was probably more scared than anyone in that house. And besides that, Drill Sergeant Kennedy called her a maggot. Shame on you, Kennedy! I wanted to jump into the screen of my television and save my little SiT from such harsh language immediately. But don’t worry. I learned my lesson from the last time I attempted that.

Poor Chloe had to deal with The First all on her own. But yet Buffy is always the center of making the judgments. Let’s not give the dead a simple moment of silence. What Buffy says goes, after all. If the dead aren’t worthy, the dead aren’t worthy. Despite the dead being a terrified fourteen year old in this case, she still should have gotten over those pesky human fears already, right? I mean, sure, Buffy was sixteen when she got scared (seventeen the second time), but age doesn’t matter with these types of things. The only thing that matters is whether or not your name is Buffy. Sorry, Chloe. Your life didn’t matter, because you’re not the blonde Chosen One who just won’t die.

Hell, Buffy watched my little SiT get called a maggot and just stood there with a smile on her face. I bet she was plotting this whole damn charade from the beginning. I bet she was all too happy when she saw Chloe in her room that night...that fateful night. And the way she looked when Chloe was knocking off those push-ups. Sheesh! “Oh, look at me! I’m Buffy! I’ve got a principal who is in love with me and I can show him my backyard full of maggots! All my maggots who worship me! All my maggots who I am so better than because I’ve got nine lives and they only have one! Nah nah nah nah nah!”

...sorry...

Back to the point, Buffy doesn’t seem to understand human fears and feelings when they’re coming from people outside of herself. I mean, hell, look at the way she portrays her own feelings. Poor Spike is probably more screwed up now than he ever was in the basement with the First. “Be good, Spike! No, be bad! No wait, be good again! Aww...good boy! No, bad!”

Only point being, feelings don’t really exist unless they’re coming from Buffy. Right, Buff? So the SiTs are defenseless...

Or are they?

What does it mean to be a potential? I asked this earlier and then got sidetracked. So, what is the answer? Have we figured it out yet? What powers does one have as a potential? Are my little SiTs simply defenseless little lambs and in for the fight of their lives without a hope in the world? Obviously the superhuman strength is reserved for the one...err two...in existence. But we seem to find that my little SiTs possess a certain spidey-sense about their surroundings. A heightened awareness. Which, when you think about it, actually makes some sense. Sort of a vessel for whatever mystical lineage is at play. Whoever possesses these certain heightened awarenesses therefore has potential for the next line. Well, that and the whole being female thing.

So, in theory, a certain perceptual and instinctual trait could indeed be the key factor to determining ones own chances of slayer celebrityhood. Knowing so little about the induction of the first slayer makes these speculations rather shallow in water, but they’re still fun to bring up as dinner table conversations with drunk family members.

Whatever the reason, the fact that these girls are a bit above average on the perception skill still remains. Of course, for people who have spent their entire lives training for slayerdom, one or two of my lovely young girls seem extremely immature. I remember Kendra, and I just don’t make the connection. It’s hard for me to believe that Kendra was ever like one of these potentials and drastically changed that much into the slayer we came to love (or hate, respectably) in a matter of a few months. Possible though. Still possible. Never rule out possible.

So, I ran out of time just when I was getting to a point. Doesn’t that suck?

Well, without there being much of a point with todays article anyway, I’ll simply finish up with an innocent plea to Joss. Please, Joss, let Chao-Ahn be the next slayer. Give her her own show. You don’t even have to give it English subtitles. Let a Cantonese-friendly television broadcast be aired. Pave the way for the good of humanity!

Well...we can at least dream. Whether we find them boring and arrogant or cute and funny we can at least find some little place for the potentials in our hearts. And whatever you think of my little SiTs, I hope we all can at least agree to give them some bit of thought in our weekly travels. Sometimes it’s good to just take a little moment out of our day to send those little potentials some good, healthy, and positive energy thoughts. Remember when they tried this on Robin Williams character in One Hour Photo? Wait...maybe this is a bad idea.

But send them happy thoughts anyway! They could really use some! Especially Vi, because she’s in harmony with the Earth. And also because people seem to forget she exists.

We all know that many of them will die...some of us are praying for it. But my little SiTs have given to at least me something worthy of ponderance. Their very existence remains a mystery. Will that existence ever truly be known? Well, find out next week on an all new Weekly Ascension.

Actually, I’m not really going to have an answer for that next week. But I will have another mindless monologue. Hey, next week we’ll even have a topic with a point. And if you knew that from just being perceptive, you might want to be careful. Be sure to check under your beds and behind your ears at night. Cause ya never can tell...there just might be an SiT in your house. Cue “Gremlins Theme.”