- The Harvest
Previously: Giles sniveled, Cordelia snarked, and Fonzie dusted! What could
possibly top that?
Back in the crypt again. Luke ducks down to bite Buffy, but the cross that Percy
gave her earlier. Wait, so it wouldn’t have burned him when he grabbed her by
the throat earlier? Hm. He’s like ‘Ah! Shit!’ and Buffy kicks him off of her.
She runs outside to Xander, Jesse, and Willow, who are about to get their asses
handed to them by Richie, Potsie, Ralph Malph, and Mr. C. Especially Willow, who
is on the ground screaming, in the clutches of Ralph Malph. Buffy calls out, and
Ralph looks up, and gets kicked right in the face. Ouch. He runs away, and tells
Buffy to ‘sit on it’. Richie and Potsie are dragging away Xander. Willow calls
out his name, and the two think it’s the Fonz and look up. Buffy takes this
opportunity to punch Potsie in the face and kick Richie. Yikes. Buffy breaks off
a tree branch and plunges it into Potsie’s chest as he tries to get up. Ok, I
just cant believe a tree branch would be strong enough to plunge through flesh,
but, eh. Buffy rushes over to Xander, and asks if he’s seen Jesse. You mean,
when he was being dragged away by two vicious bloodsuckers? I don’t think so.
But somehow, he managed to see Jesse being taken away by Darla. Buffy looks
around and whisper’s Jesse’s name. I don’t think he can hear you.
Credits. No Eric Balfour. Pity.
The room formerly known as library. A globe is spinning. GHOST! No. It’s Giles,
and he’s in British lecture mode. Giles expositions about vampires, demons, and
forces of darkness. Oh my! Nothing that we don’t already know from the
unnecessary intro to every episode. Xander is amazed that they are talking about
vampires. Willow wonders if that’s what they saw the night before. Buffy denies
it, saying that they have bad acne and stuff. Uh, Buffy, I think they already
know. Xander asks if vampires are demons, and Giles expositions some more about
how they technically are. Dude, I know this is the first episode, but pass on
the exposition stick, please.
The lair of scary candles. Darla and Luke shove Jesse into the lair, and
introduce him as the offering. The Master is pissed, and says that Darla tasted
him. WTF. Seriously. The Master bitches at Darla and grabs her by the throat.
Darla stutters that a girl fought them and took their other offering. The Master
guesses that it’s a slayer. Good guess.
The library of exposition-that-we-have-already-been-over. Giles is like a
fucking machine, seriously. I guess the babbling incoherently is a watcher
thing. Willow is weak, and wants to pass out. So, you would pass out when you
hear about vampires and not when they are attacking you? Ok, just checking.
Willow wants to call the cops, but Giles shoots her down, saying that the
wouldn’t believe them. Buffy says that they would only come with guns, and
that’s not what they need. Giles asks if they have any idea where Darla took
Jesse. Buffy says that the could just ‘voom’, which Xander misunderstands as
they can fly, but Buffy retorts that they can drive. ‘Vroom’. Giles thinks that
they may have gone underground. Buffy agrees, but didn’t see any sewer access.
Xander reminds them that there is an electrical tunnel that goes under the whole
town. Giles wants to be all old and unhip and get the sewer plans from the
building commission, but Willow has another plan.
Guarida de las velas asustadizas. The Master is still pissed about the slayer
being in town. He wants proof. Luke says that she fought him, and still lives.
The Master tells him that it’s happened before. Luke:” 1843. Madrid. He caught
me sleeping.”. With whom? The Master says that if she really is the slayer, then
she will try to save Jesse. Uh, you obviously don't know Buffy that well. Luke
tells Jesse that he has been upgraded to bait. Jesse is thrilled.
Library. Where the books live. Willow pulls up the city plans on the computer,
and points out that the tunnel runs under the graveyard. Yes, a wonderful place
to burrow through ground…wait, what? Giles is confused at how exactly Willow
came upon these plans. Willow babbles that she decoded the hoobiewhatsit wand
transmitted it to the x34 version of the delta megatron 39 and a half z model
chip, and I lost her. Buffy sighs and says that it's useless. Giles says that
she's being hard on herself. Buffy hates on herself some more and flashes back
to the graveyard, where she got her ass kicked. Suddenly, she realizes that Luke
came out from behind her, and says that she's 'so mentally challenged'. Buffy,
judging by some of the people that are sitting in this library with me, you are
pretty well off. Xander is ready to saddle up. Giles looks about ready to accept
his offer, but Buffy shoots him down, saying that she's going to be doing all of
the dirty work, and they need to sit down and shut up. Xander feels inadequate.
Aw. Giles wants help doing research, and he doesn't know how to use 'that dread
machine' (i.e. computer). Everyone just stares at him like he has a ferret
attatched to his face. He says that was a bit 'British'. Yes. As if your accent
didn't give it away, silly. Buffy leaves, and Giles stops her and tells her to
be careful. She gives him a look and leaves.
Buffy is walking fast toward that gate to the street. Wait, why didn't she just
go out the front of the school, which is gateless, and way closer to the library
than the back gate. Whatever. Once I've memorized the Sunnydale high floor plan,
that's when I've crossed the line from 'obsessed' to 'out of my fucking mind'.
Sad. Flutie stops her and asks her just where the heck she thinks she's going,
missy? Buffy tells him that Mr. Giles sent her to go get a book. He closes that
gate and says "Well, maybe that's how they do things in *Britain*, they've got
that royal family and all kinds of problems," Hee. I love ol' Flutie. He says
that the Buffy Summers he wants at his school is 'a good solid girl with her
feet on the ground'. He leaves, and guess what she does. Jumps over the fence.
Only she doesn't really jump..she more 'flies'. It's an odd camera angle.
Willow and Xander are walking down the hall. Talking about all kinds of
paranormal stuff they probably shouldn't be a bit too loudly in a public place.
Bah, this is a boring scene. Basically, they are talking about researching
stuff, and Willow doesn't want Xander getting hurt. 10-4.
Mausoleum of skeleton in the coffin-ness. Buffy walks in and has a look around.
She sees a locked door, and picks up the lock. Percy is waiting to exhale behind
her. Oh, she noticed him. She asks if Percy has a key. No, Percy likes kicking
down doors, Buffy. She tells him that if he's going to keep showing up, she
might as well know his name. His name is Angel. SURPRISE! Not really. Buffy
comments that it's a pretty name. I agree. For a girl. She turns the tunnel
entrance. Angel tells her not to go down there. Buffy's an independent woman,
and tells him to shove off. Angel tells her that she won't stop the Harvest if
she puts herself at risk. Buffy asks him why he doesn't stop it. Angel says that
he's afraid. That's his main problem. Buffy turns around and kicks open the
doors. Aw. They were meant to be together. Angel tells her that they will be
expecting her. Buffy tells him that she has a friend that she needs to save.
Angel sighs and gives her directions. Now, was that so hard? She asks if he's
going to wish her luck. He is silent. She leaves. 'Good Luck' he whispers.
Commercials. Roseanne was still on at this time in 1997! Yay.
Buffy is walking down a tunnel when Xander pops up from behind her. Xander, you
stupid, stupid boy. You need to be harmed. He says that he could just sit at
home and do nothing, but he needs to save his best friend. Which is sweet, but
still stupid as hell. Buffy hands him a cross, which may or may not work. It’s a
gamble. I doubt she cares. Xander asks her what other ways there are to kill a
vampire, and she explains. Buffy tells him about a time there was a big football
player pinning her down and all she had was a little exact-o-knife. Xander
shares my look of disgust.
Giles is looking through some books and sees an image of a lightening bolt going
from the devil’s hand into a man’s hand. Hot.
Cordelia is pissed at the computer, and has no clue how to work it. GTFO NOOB.
Harmony asks if they are headed to the Bronze that night. Cordelia snarks that
‘We are going to the other cool place in Sunnydale’. Giles’ bedroom? Willow is
listening to them as they start to gossip about Buffy. They turn to Willow’s
computer to see what she’s doing. I hate it when people look at your computer
screen. And they know that you know that they are looking at it, and it’s all
rather awkward. Especially when you are writing Buffy recaps. Cordelia starts
gossiping again, snaking that Buffy is a ‘psycho loony’. Willow defends Buffy
with ‘She’s not’. Cordelia asks who gave Willow permission to exist. Lame.
Harmony announces that the program is finished, and Cordelia is confused about
how to save it. Willow tells them to press’Deliver’. Cordelia presses the ‘Del’
key, and all her stuff vanishes. PWN3D NOOB!!11!1!1
Buffy and Xander are still in the tunnels. Xander spots Jesse on the ground and
they help him up, just in time to be ambushed by vampires. They haul ass. They
round the corner. Oops! More vampires. Vampires everywhere. Jesse tells them
that he remembers the way out and leads them to a chamber. No way out there.
Xander doesn’t know what to do, but Jesse has a plan! They die. Somehow, I don’t
think that will work.
Commercials. Buy Advil because Joyce tells you to.
The chamber of vampdom. Xander tells Jesse that he is sorry he let this happento
him. Jesse says it’s cool, he feels so much stronger and connected to everything
now. Xander holds up a cross to him, and he snarls. The power of Christ compels
you! Buffy grabs Jesse and throws him out the door into a large group of vamps.
Xander jumps
by Dust -??.??.04
[ angelinvestigations@gmail.com
]
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