Chapter 16

Stupid, Spike. Really stupid. Stupid sodding fuck-up. He slammed his fist into a wall. It hurt, but he deserved much worse. What he deserved was a stake through the heart.

How could he have thought for one bloody second that he was good enough for the likes of her?

"Why should you pretend to be something you're not, Spike?" Great, now he was talking to himself. Bloody pathetic! His boot smashed into a trash can, revealing a cowering young girl about Dawn's age.

He could have her. No one was around. That's what he fucking did! "I'm a vampire."

The girl's eyes grew wide, as she heard the strange man claim to be a vampire. Her hungry stomach growled, piercing the darkness. Self-consciously she placed a hand over it and gave the man a frightened, wavering half-smile. The guy was obviously crazy.

Spike's eyes briefly flashed yellow. Same age as Niblet. Not as pretty though.

His eyes returned to blue.

He wasn't hungry any more.

Suddenly, he felt very sick.

He leaned against the wall and vomited.

The girl saw her chance, and ran quickly away.

Spike wiped blood and spittle from his mouth. Have to get to Niblet.

***

"Damn."

"Honey, where are you?"

The ward Willow had put up to alert her when Tara was coming hadn't worked. Quickly, Willow tried to stash the book but . . .

Too late.

"What's that, sweetie?"

"Nothing."

Tara's chin quivered. "You're hiding something, Will. You can tell me."

Slowly, Willow withdrew the book from behind her back.

Darkest Magick.

"I was just, you know, looking for something to help Buffy and . . ."

Tara's normally placid countenance flushed with anguish.

"I told you about what this book d-d-did to me--did to my life--and you still can't put it away?"

"But I wasn't . . ."

"Willow, I don't care about your explanations. You know how I feel about this. I confided in you. Why won't you believe me? This stuff is bad."

"But, but it doesn't seem bad." Willow smiled nervously. "Maybe it just turned bad because, you know, you were all grieve-y and sad. I'm not grieve-y and sad."

Tara shook her head. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"Oh, I get it." Willow's pixie-ish features twisted in indignation. "You only see black and white, Tara. No shades of gray for you! But you're wrong! This can help people. It-it might help keep Dawn and Buffy alive." Angrily she gestured to the book. "And if the spells I'm finding in here can do that, if it they can stop the next Glory from coming our way and destroying our lives, I really don't see the problem."

"No, you don't, do you?" A tear slid down Tara's cheek as she picked up her bag. "I have to go. I-I c-can't be here right now." Her shoulders convulsed with sobs as she left the dorm room.

"Tara, wait!"

***

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang . . .

The door swung open.

"God, Spike. Give it a rest." Dawn considered the wild-eyed vampire and a kernel of fear formed in the pit of her stomach. Dark images from Lena's story filled her head.

But Spike wasn't like that anymore.

"Can I come in, Niblet?"

"Sure. Why so formal all of a sudden?"

Spike began to shake.

"The chip, Niblet. It doesn't work."

Unconsciously, Dawn took a few steps back.

Spike could smell the fear on her. His face fell.

"Niblet--oh, God, not you--I'd never . . ."

There were tears in his eyes.

Dawn softened. Quickly, she suppressed the terror bubbling up inside her and tried to keep her voice level. "Spike, it's OK. Come in."

***

Spike sat at the kitchen table with Dawn and took another sip of his hot cocoa. Little Bit was trying to mother him. Joyce. How many times had he sat at this table with Joyce? She always had a cuppa ready.

A faint smile flitted across his face at the memory.

"Promise me you won't tell Buffy." Dawn's voice filled with something approaching panic.

"OK, Niblet, I promise."

"Spike, she might get so scared that she'll kill you, and I don't think . . ."

"Dawn, maybe my time's up. I've had a good run. Better than most. Maybe I deserve it . . . a good staking from your sis. I'd rather it be her than some two bit vamp or a demon on a vengeance mission. It has to be Buffy."

"But can't you promise to be good? I mean, you've been good for so long and it's not just the chip."

"Niblet, every day when I had the chip I thought about it, you know? Not the killing, not that anymore. But the blood." He paused. "I'm a predator."

"Maybe you are. But you have a choice, Spike. We all do. I could go out and kill someone tomorrow. But I don't."

"But it's not in your nature. It's what I am."

"Maybe it's in everyone's nature, if they're pushed far enough." She laughed ruefully. "Besides, it's in my nature to be a swirly key thingy that opens hell on earth. You don't see me running around, bleeding everywhere, opening portals and stuff."

"OK, Niblet. You've made your point."

"Buffy loves you."

"Huh?" Spike's eyebrow rose quizzically. "That's some non-sequitur, Niblet. Come again?"

"Buffy loves you."

"Not bloody likely," Spike hissed. "You gone daft?"

"Remember, Spike. I know stuff. I figured out that you loved her. And now I know that Buffy loves you."

Spike flashed back to his last--exchange--with Buffy in the crypt. Mmmm. That had been quite pleasant. "I'll admit that your sis might find me attractive, but she's still hung up on that stupid ponce, Angel. She told me as much."

"She's scared, Spike."

"Aren't we all?" Spike laughed bitterly.

"Could you do it? If you knew for sure you had a chance with Buffy? Could you promise to be good?"

Spike considered the melted marshmallows at the bottom of his mug. "You remember when you found me and told me that you had a way to bring Buffy back?"

Dawn nodded.

"And I said that Buffy was my soul?"

"Yes."

"It's true, you know. When I drank from that bloke in the alley, I could see was what I was doing--through her eyes. It made me sick."

Dawn put her hand over his. "Spike, I think you're a good man. Now you just have to start thinking it."

"Niblet . . ."

"Getting all vampy in alleyways won't help though. You've gotta cut that out, William." Her eyes twinkled, but there was a serious edge to her voice. "And if you screw up again, next time I'll tell Buffy myself. This is your one and only chance, Spike."

Spike's mouth twisted into something approaching a smile. "You drive a hard bargain, Niblet."

"Or I could just tell her that you were making out with Dr. Higginbottom. Then she'd really kick your ass."

***

Where was Spike?

Buffy twirled her stake and scanned the cemetery for the peroxided vamp. She'd tried his crypt, she'd looked for him in his usual creepy haunts, but no Spike.

"Guess I'm on my own tonight."

Nonchalantly, she dusted two lurking vamps. Bo-ring! Having the über-Slayer powers kind of took the fun out of it.

What she needed was a real opponent. Something big, and strong, and . . .

Oooh. Something like that!

A large, scaly demon approached Buffy. Its horns dripped a nasty, smelly rust-coloured slime. An opening in the middle of its face, a grotesque parody of a mouth, grinned. "Slayer."

"Slayee."

She really needed to work on her banter. She'd been slipping lately.

Her sensible Slayer boot connected with its head. It didn't pop off! Good. She actually might break a sweat!

"Rrrrraaaaah!"

Spike leapt in, tackling the creature.

"Hey." Thwack. "No fair." Thud. "This one's," Buffy delivered a final decapitating blow, "mine."

"Very nice, Slayer. You made short work of that." Spike smiled nervously.

He's nervous! He's cute when he's nervous. Why is he nervous? Probably because of the kissing and . . . .

His mouth does look awfully yummy.

Bad, Buffy. Bad.

"So, any other big nasties about? Or are you finished for the night?"

Buffy looked at her new outfit, now covered with rust-coloured slime. "I think it's time to go home and wash off the demon goo."

Spike stared intently at his shoes. "Right then. I'll be off. See you tomorrow, Buffy."

"Spike?"

"Yeah."

"I talked to Angel."

Spike continued to study his shoes. "Uh-huh. So what did the prancing poof have to say?"

"He was glad I was back, of course. But mostly he was angry about you helping me. He told me to be careful." Buffy stepped closer to Spike, her body just barely touching his. "So Spike," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "do I need to be careful?"

Two dark eyes watched from the bushes. "Oh God, she loves him."

"Yes." Firmly, Spike pushed Buffy away. "You do, pet."

Spike broke into a fast walk. He couldn't lie. Not to Buffy. But he'd promised Niblet. Had to get away.

In his haste, Spike brushed against a nearby shrub.

Angel smelled it. "The bastard's been feeding."

End of Part Sixteen

Continue to Part 17 

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